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Sweet sixteen in Singapore was never sweet.
Enjoys Coldplay, SNSD, 2PM.
I hate Twilight, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron.


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Herwen Jingwen Jooping Serli Zubaidah
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Thursday, December 3, 2009, 2:40 AM

In life, there are many questions asked and left unanswered.
Not that there is no answer, but we just simply chose not to.

When you thought everything in life was going well,
everything was going your way,
you smile at everyone with that confidence running ever so fervently in your blood,
you look at life so positively everyday,
and just suddenly,
everything seem to be moving so fast.

You look back.
Everything is a blur.
You try to make out the vague outlines from within the fog and yet to no avail.
And then you come back to yourself and thought, "What was I doing?"

Not that you blame yourself for all those falsely-portrayed confidence,
but now every single cell in you just felt that fatigue.
It happened all so suddenly, you couldn't catch up with the reality that you're being hit back to ground zero, hard.

You regain composure and realised...
You're but you.
Never did this fact change.
And it never will.
You look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder why people can succeed all the time and yet you see such an outcast in the mirror.
Then you thought, "Maybe I just need a little more confidence. Maybe I just need to hve a higher self esteem."

So you went out asking around, how do people walk the streets with their heads held high,
with that glow in their eyes that you could only envy,
with that ever-assuring smile that could make you sign a dozen insurance contracts on your own accord,
and to the end there is still no answer.

You talk to your friends, and they too said the same thing.
All these derived from your lack of confidence, and you need to push yourself to hve a higher self esteem.

And then you begin to wonder,
to hve such a pathetically low self esteem and confidence level,
is it your fault from the very beginning?
To feel so inferior by just thinking of the girl from your tour group whom everyone thinks she's brainy and beautiful and even your own stepbrother couldn't stop staring at her,
is that to blame on your own sensitivity?

As you try to figure things out,
you, again, ponder if all these are merely sporadic, or hve they been infesting your mind for all these years?
Are these merely woes of a teenager?
No, you thought, because you know this fact about yourself best that your thinking is mature enough to assess if these are typical teenage follies or really problems that developed from your very own self reflection.

You keep all these in your mind,
as you attempt to decipher your complex chain of thoughts on your own.
Your brain branches out like a web so rapidly, you got so overwhelmed, a moment with glee, and yet the other with unhappiness.
For a moment you hoped you were emotion-free.

You opened up, you tried to talk.
You hoped for understanding from your friends,
but people nowadays...
They do not care.
They pretend to understand.
This fast-moving society developed geniuses and also pretenders.
So many of them, you don't know who to trust,
you don't know who'll understand anymore.
You don't know if they'll listen to you and after you hung up the phone, they just turned around and cursed you for your stupidity and for wasting his/her time.

Friends... This word sounds so familiar.

When your only kin has found her new love,
and your stepbrothers don't give a damn about you,
you live with the fact that in this family of six, you hve no one but yourself to rely on.
No one will give you a comforting shoulder, only you yourself.
You'll pull through, you thought.
But sometimes you just can't make it on your own.

You find it hard to come to terms with all these you're going through,
but you believe that in the years to come,
as you mature,
you will realise that, this is life.
You hve to live it the way it is.

Sometimes in life we just need to crumble and fall,
and cry your woes,
because we humans are born to err,
are born to experience pain, however excruciating.
And from this pain, only will we realise that,
we hve only our very self to rely on.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 2:49 AM

In the movie 2012, the President of the USA wanted to stay behind so as to tell his people the truth, and also to allow kins to hve the chance to bid farewell to one another.
I've never believed in this 2012 End-of-the-World thing and refused to watch the movie because in my opinion, to watch it means that you're actually obliging to the fact that it is true.
But my parents wanted to watch it so I was thinking, a free movie, why not?
So I went to catch the movie after all.

It turned out to be so disturbing.

It set all my beliefs into question, and now I doubt my very own stand.
Everything seemed so real.
The San Andreas Fault all over again... And according to studies (this is fact), they say there is a possibility of another major earthquake along the San Andreas Fault. As of when, this is unpredictable.
Maybe because we study Plate Tectonics in Geography, that's why this movie got me so tense.
All those plates moving apart, it suddenly struck me that all these might be true.
Global warming, CFCs, rising sea levels... All these phenomenons just strengthened the whole belief of this Global Judgement Day.
It all feel so real now, because it's smth that is actually plausible.
We are standing right above the crusts of Earth, God knows what's going on down there?
Burning magma, waiting for its chances to burst up onto the surface and kill us all civilisations?
Or earthquakes of magnitudes more than 9.0 on the Richter Scale?
And gigantic tsunamis...
Gosh, should not hve let my thoughts run wild, sorry.
Anyway, the scene of Hawaii becoming a ring of fire, literally, is possible.
Hawaii lies on this Ring of Fire, I'm not very sure about the names but there are many active volcanoes there, hence it's as dangerous as it sounds.
And this Earth Crustal Displacement theory... That's very interesting. That's the reason of all those ongoing earthquakes.

Anyway, I'd like to say that, my beliefs hve been put into question and I'm beginning to doubt myself.
I've been cynical, even joining this group on Facebook named, 'In 2013 I will watch 2012 and laugh'.
I will not leave the group, as I still hold on to my beliefs, but I'll definitely pass judgements only when my on-hand information has matured.

Earth is the root to all life; it created us, and it can also destroy us.

Repent, for the end is near.

If you want to survive, migrate to Africa now. As shown in the movie 2012, the Cape of Good Hope will be mankind's new home, and the birth of another generation of life. God bless :)
Saturday, November 28, 2009, 1:54 PM

I'm bored so I've decided to blog on.

Firstly, I think the Prom King title is so wasted on that Eddy guy.
No offence, but there were so many other good looking guys that night and omg he won.
He was making things hard for Yong Gene, and he didn't even do much yet he won.
What a joke...
Kokyong was the sporting one, he should hve got it.


Kohser own, hands down. She's beautiful, I've got no comments.

And there were so many pretty girls that night but of course the presence of beauty greatly enhanced the ugliness of others.
Yes I'm being mean again blah blah say I'm a bitch. I don't give a shit.
Anyway, I just like putting people down but hey these people deserve it, as if I'll go messing around with you if you haven't step on my toes.

Anyway, I kinda think Prom was really boring.
Even YY and Mun said I looked better last night than on Prom when I was wearing the exact same outfit LOL only with that blazer on.

Speaking of blazers...
MUN SAID THAT THE BLAZER IS NO LONGER ON SALE IN UNIQLO LIKE WTF!?
Okay nevermind forget it I'll be more thrifty, go Far East instead.
And actually Far East isn't very cheap too but compared to Japan I think all Japanese will love Singapore because everything there is so fucking costly.
Those Pixie Lott heels I refused to let go of in that typical Far-East-lookalike store in Japan cost S$150. Nb.
No choice. Give it up.
AND ALL FINAL FANTASY X AND X-2 FANS OUT THERE, I SAW RIKKU'S BOOTS THERE TOO!!!
AND GUESS WHAT, IT'S S$250!!!
Fuck.

I love Japan.
, 12:54 PM





Just got back from Japan on the 25th and yeah, it was fun.
But everything is so fucking expensive and I didn't buy a single piece of clothing.
But still Disneyland was awesome! Love it.

I'll post all photos on Facebook because I've had enough shit from Blogger's photo uploader.

Went to town with Bobo and Mun yesterday, haven't been so happy for a long, long time.
Although I had to buy a new pair of shoes because the heels were killing me (FUCK, NEVER EVER WEAR HEELS TO ORCHARD), the shoes were still nice la. At least I tried to psycho myself saying the shoes were nice LOL.
Anyway, laughed and laughed like there was no tmr, had so much fun.
Love yall sweethearts.

And don't you guys think that, when someone assumes that he means a whole great deal to you, it's just so hilarious?
I had a great laugh a few days back.
He said he didn't want to upset me so he was thinking of a way to convey the message without hurting my feelings.
Oh God...
Can't stop laughing. What a joke.
Yeah, I'm SO sad, so sad that you don't like me anymore!
I'm so detestable, nobody loves me, awwwwww SO SAD I WNA CRY!
HAHAHAHAHA ROFL.
So much for saying you're unlike the average kinda guy.
BULLSHIT, you just made a fool outta yourself honey.

Oh well, it was a waste of time.
To be honest, I didn't bothered.
I don't give a shit.
So, I'm sorry for the misunderstandings caused, I was just playing around.


I HVE TO GET A NEW DRESS I HVE TO!
And should I work? Because my resources in POSB are depleting at a rate faster than the most extreme Longshore Drift that ever occurred.
God bless.
Thursday, November 19, 2009, 12:45 PM




Flight is in the early hours of Friday,
which means I'd hve to check in by about 10pm tonight.
Will be aboard the Airbus 380 back from Japan next Wednesday.
Sweet.

But, I'd rather be with my classmates rather than to come back and face my mother.
Yesterday's BBQ was fun, although I didn't eat much but still, when we worked together to get the fire going it felt so heartwarming.
Justin standing topless trying to set up the fire, Serli's blowing till she was running outta breath, Sharvin using his bare hands on the charcoal, Ratna busy with defrosting the food, Yihan fanning like there's no tmr, Jooping's plate-fanning, Herwen and others trying to break up chunks of charcoal by smashing them on the ground, and so many more.
Although we were slogging half our lives out for those enjoying themselves in the living room playing majong or watching SI, well I hope they did help to clear up.
Although I heard that some were still playing majong.
Oh well, a leopard never changes its spots. We're graduating, so fuck it, whatever.
Those who cooked ate last, I just couldn't tolerate this unfairness...
Next time let's just cut down on the number of mouths and get some really responsible ones and not those sloths, my lovelies.


*


So, it's not gonna happen anyway.
It's alright, life's like that.
Just live it.

I've spent a year waiting that proved to be fruitless.
It's time to snap outta this daze and move on.
I love you, very sadly I do.
But it ain't working when I only do you and you do not.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009, 6:23 PM

Amidst all those beautiful people, I felt inferior.
I felt so out of place, so ugly.
All those overwhelming smiles and laughter...
I tried to blend in. I did.
But it just didn't work.

This whole year that've passed, you won't know how it felt like.

You said, to give you time.
I will.
I'll wait.

What's with me that you're hesitating over?
No, I don't wna know.

Standing by your side, it smothers me.
You still won't give me that chance.
Monday, November 9, 2009, 6:23 PM

Two map readings came out today.
TWO.
That's a plural.
And it didn't come out in Industries, it came out in GOF and Tourism.
WHAT THE HELL...
I know screwed up. The paper was so easy, yet I couldn't remember the points at all.
But surprisingly I don't feel bad about it...
At least I know I can score, maybe not as well as Paper 1 but still...
Oh well, it's over.
No point fretting over it.

AND MY DAMN PHONE JUST MALFUNCTIONED 2 DAYS BEFORE MY 'O' LEVELS END.
GREAT, HOW GREAT...


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