Amnesiac.

2010-04-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

It's not a pretty sight when you and your mom pms at the same time.

2010-03-29T02:49:00.000-07:00

I set the air conditioner to the lowest temperature, went to shower, came back into the room with my body still wet and sat right where the air conditioner was blowing, just in hope that I can catch a really bad fever and let it take over my brain for a couple of days so I can take a break from thinking and feeling so much.

I had a very nice day with my parents and an awesome dinner with my family, for that I am grateful. Yet I've also spent this beautiful day waiting for something that never came. It was not a pleasant feeling to check your phone again and again or jerk at the slightest tingling sensation that you'd mistaken for a vibration, only to realize there's nothing at all.

All I got was a phone call.

After a whole day, that was all.

On the bright side it means I don't need you as much as I think I do. What happened today proved everything.

I can't even bring the tips of my lips to a pleasant curve now.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what to feel for you, because honestly I don't think I should be dealing with all this shit when my day could have been perfect.

All I asked for was a sms, or some form of contact. All those breaks in between, or before you fell asleep, what were you doing?

You proved to me a hell lot of things today. I've seen and understood, thank you very much.

2010-03-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I've been hit back to ground zero.

2010-03-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm really upset.

No words can describe how terribly, horribly, painfully upset I am.

I just went to check out the semester issues.

There's only one good news, and aplenty of bad news.

My whole poly life looks as screwed up as it can be.

I envisioned it; and I feel suicidal.

Fuck my life.

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

2010-03-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

I planned to sleep early tonight.
I used plan in past tense for a reason.
Look at the time.

At about 2am, Ben went to bed. So I told myself I ought to sleep too cause I don't wanna delay my cheesy meal anymore.
Then, my stomach started to complain. Fine, I cooked noodles and sausages and I really felt so guilty for eating so much I wished I was bulimic.
Adding on, I spent about 45 minutes in the washroom brushing my teeth and ruining my already ruined complexion. Sometimes I really hope my fingers aren't that active when it comes to issues on my face.
And who knew? It's 5.45am now.
I've spent the last hour doing Facebook quizzes.

What the fuck is happening to me?

Owl City is really awesome. I've got Vanilla Twilight stuck in my head, not that I'm complaining.

2010-03-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

I slept at 8am for the third consecutive day already. I can't even use words like 'today' and 'yesterday' anymore because my day-night orientation is totally screwed and sometimes I can't even remember which day it is. Time and again I told myself I ought to change myself back into a diurnal animal but I failed all the same. It's taking such a huge toll on my complexion that it's not even funny. I woke at 5pm today for the third time, just in time for dinner. To think I was still planning to fix up a nice, cheesy meal for myself for lunch today. Epic fail.

Then again, I thought about how soon school's gonna start and I realized it's not easy to come by in your life a period like this, when all I get to do is seriously nothing more than sleep, eat, watch tv, use the computer, eat somemore, and go out and have a good time with my friends. Of course, minus all the parental-induced household chores I have to do, this is not quite bad a life to live. Aimless, idle all day long. Not for life, duh. But taking this as a break from the tumultuous ten years I've spent in the education sector, it definitely is a good way to recharge myself before I stumble back into the books (or rather, heavy usage of my laptop) and projects again.

Somehow I think I should be helping my mom with the household chores, like the ironing of clothes and doing the laundry and mopping the floor, because I know those 3 useless boys will never contribute. Although yes, my mom still do most of my stuff for me and I'm living like a spoilt brat, but at least I say thank you and help out when she asks for it. Well, hey, at least I'm utilizing my limbs right?

Collage

2010-03-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

On a first note, I realized my post contents are always pretty jumbled up. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Reminds me of the Powerpuff Girls.

Anyway, to start it off, I'd like to express my utmost gratitude to my stepfather, who bought me this gorgeous pink Macbook cover from the States. We ordered it on eBay, and the quality isn't as good though the price was a staggering S$50 for 2 pieces of pink plastic. Nonetheless, it's really pretty. So all we can hope for now is for the plastic to live and not crack for as long as time permits. :3

*

Being a fan of beauty, I've always wanted to go for plastic surgery. And I believe even at this young age when I can't even support myself with a stable income (gosh, I'm still schooling), many other young girls want the exact same thing.

Girls, being girls, we'll never get enough. No matter how many times people tell us that we're perfect the way we are, we'll never think ourselves as perfect, because there'll forever be this part of us being the ugly one, the imperfect one, the one that needs to be worked on. Noses too flat, lips too thin, eyes too small, cheekbones too undefined, anything, everything. And whenever we express our intentions to go under the knife to correct these physical errors, we get slammed.

People telling us we don't need it, bombarding us on the cons of plastic surgery. But it's just ironic, isn't it? When they tell you that, at the same time they're going crazy over celebrities with painfully beautiful facial features. Take for example, Ben (I'm sorry I couldn't resist). He loves Katy Perry. And no doubt, who doesn't? Those huge, deep silverish-green pair of eyes and noses so sharp and prominent, tell me, which girl doesn't hope that they can be Katy for a day, or for the rest of their lives? Of course, I don't know if Katy has went for plastic surgery herself and I am definitely not implying that she had went for one by mentioning her in this post. I'm just trying to prove how beautiful people like her makes us, the uglier ones, stop dead in our tracks, admire her every feature and curve, and then look back and scrutinize ourselves and say, "How the fuck did I turn out like this?" Neither am I trying to say that all girls should go for plastic surgery just to look like their boyfriends' favourite female celebrity for their sake, because that is plain dumb and that girl should just jump of a building, you disgraced the whole female population for being such a dog to your boyfriend. What I meant is, even if your boyfriend doesn't like your new look, who gives a damn? You're much prettier now, the boys will start flooding in. Who cares about what you think then, loser ex?

Generally, people think that we go for plastic surgery just to look pretty. True that, since the main purpose of going for one is to look better than your present self. What people don't see is the aftermath, the confidence we can get from our better looks, even walking down Orchard Road will feel so much better with the stares of admiration instead of mockery. I can get so much more confidence from my looks alone, not to mention my figure which will lead me to my next big worry (another girl issue, it's pretty obvious). Actually, I'm more concerned with my figure than my looks. Ah well. Maybe I'm just another superficial bitch who rants all day about how fat she is while putting a spoonful of rice into her mouth. Ironic much, no?

I shall drop plastic surgery and come back to it on another day. Too much things to consider.

I really feel like copying certain parts of her post and paste it here, Ben. You know who I'm referring to.

Because everything she said was so true. So fucking true. Most of the girls out there who thinks the way I do are fully in the know what we're getting ourselves into and what is exactly wrong with our mindset. But we can't help it. We just can't.

We're not born this way. We're not born to be so concerned with the way we look, with our figure, and with our body weight. I'm not blaming anyone here, but it's the truth. The magazines are flooded with so many runway models it looks like they're running a huge model flea market. Celebrities on TV clad in revealing clothing, flaunting their tiny legs and tiny arms. Tabloids with headings saying that Britney Spears had gained dozens of pounds when she is just my size. How can I not feel fat? How can I still feel comfortable with myself and my body when the standards of beauty are being set by the global media that's so rampant? We never ever see celebrities whose sizes are actually bigger than Hilary Duff (and she became horribly thin after she matured from Lizzie Mcguire).

And you have reporters making comparisons of 'before' and 'after' shots of these stars. You see them flashing headlines with the 'thin' word always bolded. But you will never see some form of advice in their entries telling the teen girls not to follow in their footsteps and be happy with your current self. No, because being thin is a pawn for the media to thrive. Alright, that sounds a little weird, but nevermind, I doubt many people will read this entry anyway so my own understanding would suffice. Anyway, when girls idolize these stars, naturally they wanna be like them. They wanna do what these stars do. So, my Hilary went from 130 pounds to a mere 100, I shall do that too! Because we have too many negative role models being portrayed as the right ones, too many young girls trying to be somebody they're not. And I don't deny that I'm one of them.

This is just depressing.

2010-03-17T22:15:00.001-07:00

I hate my curfew.
I hate quarrels.
I hate relationships because I hate quarrels.

I feel so upset this is killing me I hate this.
Oh fuck it.

2010-03-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

Facebook? Checked.
TV? Checked.
Photo booth? Checked.
Book? Checked.
Classical music? Checked.

Yet I still can't fall asleep.

Don't think I'll be able to wake up on time to meet Bc later lol.
I apologize first. In case :D

And no, I didn't break up with Ben. He's just off to Malaysia for his massage with 'special ending' and to ogle at the Macau girl. He'll be back in SG today.

While I stone in this sleepless night, I gave my past a thought. And maybe I didn't really love him as much as I thought I did. The reason why I was so affected and upset was... maybe I just wasn't used to rejection. I'm not used to rejection about something that meant so much to me. Because he meant that much, and he forsaken it. Or perhaps I was too used to getting everything I wanted, or everyone I wanted. They were all too easy... But you were not. You got me thinking about my flaws, got me so obsessed. And before I could realize how deep in I was, you ended everything. And now I think back, damn I was stupid. No, I wasn't stupid to have fell for you then because everything you did was too sweet to resist. But stupid to have thought that something about me was the reason why you didn't turn back. I was that dumb girl who went around asking people what the fuck was wrong with me, and what did you not like about me. But no. There's nothing wrong with me at all, because the one with all the problems was you. I looked at all your photos and told myself that I loved you. It's the first time I really wanted something so unimaginably badly, and didn't get it.

But it's okay. Because no matter where I am, there will always be someone who loves me for who I am, be it my mother or Ben.

Times have changed.

2010-03-08T01:41:00.000-08:00

It might be a little too early for my poly life but nonetheless... It takes time to switch over from PC to Mac.

Trying out the Photobooth.

A fresh start.
Everything's so different from Microsoft Windows. But I'll get used to it. I have to anyway.
Lol this feels like step zero all over again. Like a baby learning how to walk.
Ah well...

Anyway, Ben's been gone for the third day today and surprisingly... I don't miss him as much anymore.
Time to get over this lovey-dovey thing already, it's overwhelming.
Hope he'e enjoying his 'massage with special-ending' in Malacca, while I reminisce my singlehood once more...

And oh, I forgot to contact Sharvin again. Whoops.

2010-03-06T01:17:00.000-08:00

Throughout our lives, we've been told uncountable times to cherish what we have now, before we lose them. But why is it that it never falls into place? Why is it that, at every funeral, you will weep and regret as the 'I should have' and 'What if' start spilling out? The possibilities stab you as you try to live with your own remorse. We all know what's in stall for us if we don't start cherishing what we have now, but as the journey goes down we just take everything for granted again.

Have you ever wondered what you would say to your mother if you two had only one last day with each other? Of course, I believe I would be crying so badly I couldn't even speak. But tears aside, any truly heartfelt words you would wna say to her after she gave you life so many years ago?

Would you thank her for the clothes she donned you, or tell her that they weren't the brand you wanted?

Would you thank her for the food she laid on the table for you, or pout and sulk and demand for Macdonalds?

Would you thank her for paying for your education, or make a scene and cry how much you hate school?

Would you thank her for her unending patience with you, or blame her for even giving you life in the first place?

I know what I'll want to say. Being capable of delivering that final message is another issue.

We're our parents' unprofitable long-term investment.

They ask for no returns... A simple 'thank you' will do wonders.

2010-03-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

Me: So tmr I just send you there k? I can't stay out too long, I don't want my mom to ask and ask and ask

Ben Ok lol. Call me when you wake up tmr then. Love you :)

Me: I don't love you cause you left me home alone. K bye

Ben: :( bye lol

FML.
CB WHAT'S SO FUNNY HUR.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE SAY I LOVE YOU TO ME" INSTEAD OF JUST "BYE LOL".

Rofl.

Lan shops will be why we break up I'm pretty sure.

Be careful on your way home cause you're so black flashing your teeth in an effort to make yourself conspicuous will only freak people out.

I'm so upset I don't wna see you tmr anymore :(

Shall not sms you goodnight cause you won't be replying anyway you are busy smashing your black sticks on the keyboard.

I love you k goodnight :)

2010-02-24T01:37:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for my pms just now and I know you were damn pissed.

Now I'm at home and you're out there somewhere in Changi so I gave the possibilities a thought.

What might hve happened if you got really mad and scolded me right there and then?

Two scenarios.

SCENARIO 1

Ben: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Can you please stop this attitude thing?

Me: I'm just upset you made such a comment about my socks, I feel so cheap and all, as if I can't afford something so basic.

Ben: I was joking what. Can you please stop taking everything I say so seriously?

Me: Okay, sorry. *Fakes a smile*

Ben: *Thinks I was really smiling from the bottom of my heart and hugs me*

Me: *Smiles as an influx of gleeful emotions floods my soul*

HAPPY ENDING.

SCENARIO 2

Ben: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Can you please stop this attitude thing?

Me: Seriously. Whatever. *Throws him a fucking dirty look, grab my bag, try to hold back the tears and storm off*

Ben: *Gives stunned face cause his reflexes are not fast enough to react and hence, failed to grab onto my hand as I left*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE YOU.

2010-02-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

It's 4.25am.
I'm tired of racking my brains...
I'm not blaming you, just pissed.

If we're gonna go out on a date not doing smth you like, then fuck it.
No way I'm gonna go.

I want you to hve every minute spent enjoyable, to be hving fun.
And quit telling me 'it's fine' or smth.
Moments ago you said you hoped for an activity and now you say you don't mind?
Whut? Lol.

To be honest, I feel like such a failure I don't wna go out anymore.

I feel like weeping now.
Because my fucked up brain is not generating any fucking ideas.

I'm sorry I dunno how to play pool.
I'm sorry I hate bowling.
I'm sorry I don't wna swim.
I'm sorry I hate arcades.

And I feel sorry for you cause you hve a girlfriend like me.
I can't be sorry enough.

Time check.
4.51am.

Don't even feel like sleeping anymore.

2010-02-21T21:35:00.000-08:00

I AM VERY SAD.

MY BOYFRIEND CALLED ME TO SIT IN THE CAR BOOT :(

NOW HE KENA FLU.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE YOU.

2010-02-21T02:15:00.000-08:00

No, I'll never believe a guy will resist women like Jamie Yeo and Magic Babe Ning even when he has a girlfriend.
Women like them only inflict an indescribable damage on your girlfriend's self esteem.

I don't deny at times I wish I had their perfect figures and pretty faces, all for you.

2010-02-20T04:09:00.000-08:00

Wtf.
Insomnia due to the lack of one's presence is not nice at all.
Of course I don't blame you honey but WHERE ARE YOU.

Nvm I'll go MIA soon too and let you experience what I'm feeling right naowzzz, if I'm that important to you like you are to me too, that is.

2010-02-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

You're spending the night at your friend's place, so you're not online.
I'm glad you're doing something you enjoy, talking with one whom you hve common topics with.

I'm just feeling really weird, like something's missing.

We've been talking every night for a couple of weeks now, and it just feels wrong not to tonight.

This, is dependency. And it is not good.
Not good at all.

I don't wna be reliant.
Such a mistake to be.

This requires some work to fix.

2010-02-18T02:05:00.000-08:00

You're eating so I have time to rant a bit over here.

No, we haven't been together for very long, but yes, this is one of the happiest times I've had in my life. I won't say it's the happiest, that would be so hypocritical, but every single minute spent with you is worthwhile.

I know my mood swings really quickly from one octave to another, and I don't ask for you to tolerate that. Likewise, I'll tolerate your fucked-up ego (HAHAHA) and will only require you to say "Please" and "Thank you" every single time.

I'm sorry for my lack of confidence and pessimism in almost everything. Please understand I've experienced the hopelessness of being disappointed and it's definitely not a pleasant feeling. Give me some time. Up to now, I still ponder over ambiguous questions like how long will we last and all that when I clearly know I won't be able to have an answer right now. We'll go on and see, go on towards the misted future. And I don't like to embark on journeys that I can't see the road ahead. But isn't all relationships like that? Yes. That's why I'm entrusting my everything to you.

Yeah, you are very right.
To love someone is to give him or her the power to hurt you in every way, and trusting them not to do that.

I won't repeat all those pessimism I told you during our conversations. It's too depressing. They're all facts, yes. But I won't give you the chance to say I'm not able to love at all anymore. I know what I'm doing.

Know that all these fears I have, they've nothing to do with you. It's all in me. They bred and plagued my mind over time, it's not easy to eradicate such a stain.

Anyway, now as I think back... I look at who I had been with and I was like, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!?"

Yeah. You are that awesome. Always keep that in mind.

2010-02-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

And now the latest scandal is all over the island.

I saw the thumbnail for this piece of news somewhere and ignored it because I thought it was just some random secondary school with students fooling around like they always do.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK. THIS RANDOMNESS HITS OUR ALMA MATER. There we have G and his girlfriend featured in the video. Okay honestly I don’t really like the guy because I’ve heard too many unkind comments about him and have also seen for myself what kind of person he is. Lovely 4E2ians, do you remember that he used to walk past our class when his class was somewhere at the other block just to see some girl from our side? Everyone can stand witness. Some failed coquet in school.

But actually, if it’s for plain fun and laughter (which it is to start off with, I suppose), I guess it’s not something worth all the big fuss about. The reason why this got all blown up is simply because they exchanged their ‘kiss of love’ while clad in the school uniform and the whole process took place in the school grounds. Otherwise, it’d be just some random teenagers having fun.

True, to behave intimately (actually it was just a peck on the cheek please) while still donned in school uniforms is deemed inappropriate, but I guess G never expected his confession of love to get all web savvy and became the next hit on the news. He never intended it to go public. You think he wants to sit in Razak’s office all day (which is exactly what he’s doing now LOL), face the glares of the girl’s parents and constantly endure the wide-eyed stares and gossips from people? I don’t think so. This is not attention for a good cause. This is utmost embarrassment.

And as for the girl… No comments. I just hope she survives the ordeal with her parents.

I was on STOMP reading all the comments and I saw this girl with the nickname of ‘tiongximsister’ bringing up stuff like the school’s reputation and all that. Nah I’m just curious, how an ah lian like that is able to do such in-depth thinking and analysis. I thought she would be spending time with her beloved tiongxim4ever sisters smoking at the void decks or something. But true, her comments make sense. I am surprised.

All in all, I just think they’re seriously dumb to kiss in school uniform. After all, in a country like Singapore, to go beyond the minimum of 10cm from the face of another gender, what’s more in school uniform, it’s bound to arouse gossip.

And for those who think I’m trying to fuel the fire by posting the links on my MSN, I hope after reading this post you can understand whose side I’m on. Whatever. In the first place, for everything you did, you should be ready to shoulder the responsibility. This is retarded, why am I even arguing. I hate it when people tell me what to do and what’s right and wrong. Seriously, I can think and pass judgements for myself. If you think I have an attitude problem then I’m sorry. That’s just too bad. Omgwtf this is just like another chinxiang case. Ahh. Just fuck it.

2010-02-07T02:35:00.000-08:00

He is so ahbeng with his friends so I shall be more ahlian too HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I shall be a friendly ahlian.
Can speak good inggeris de ahlianz.
iiex lurrbxx euus w0rxxz``
WTFCCB DAMN DISGUSTING HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay your friends are awesome k that's all I wna say and I wna know everything they told you about me (if any).

Shouldn't hve been so impromptu go and ask Mel out I'm sorry k I WAS JUST A FRIENDLY BITCH CANNOT IZZIT HUH.

Imma weirdo.

Friendly ahlian = Fucking weirdo. I is veli sad :(

Ok no I am not ahlian.

WOAH THIS POST SIBEH RANDOM LOLOL I CAN'T GO TO BED CAUSE MY MIND IS FULL OF YOU ASSHOLE AND YOU ARE NOT AT HOME :(

Okay enough of bullshit.

So I've further confirmed that relationships with your bf/gf and those with your parents are totally different things...

Firstly, you can say you love your parents. I can say so too. I love my mom.
But when I think of it, what is it about her that I really love about?
Her character? Fuck no.
Her temper? NB NO LA.
Her self-claimed open-mindedness? Sometimes but no.

Parents. We love them cause we grew up with them by our side. In any circumstances, ANY, irregardless of whatever other external factors, we'd eventually grow feelings for them and hence, this is the family bond we call it. Maybe this is the unconditional love people hve been going on about for ages and ages. But it also proved that in some relationships, we might not love the person because of who he or she is, but merely because we were made that way. We were born to love them. They brought us up, gave us shelter, and perhaps yes, that parental love for the children does exist. But vice versa? I'm not so sure anymore. Yes, I do love my mom very, very much. Not for her sporadic horrible temper or occasional generosity with me, but because she is my mother. It's that simple. I will weep during her funeral, because I love her. I curse and cry over her outbursts of menopausal syndromes on me, but eventually, yes I still love her dearly. I just wonder why.

I never liked feeling so emotionally vulnerable in a relationship, which is perhaps why I've been contemplating on going into a bgr for a long, long time until he showed up and there, I just fell in love. Too late to salvage anything. But this mother-daughter relationship is suffocating me... I just hate it when every single thing she says, I'd take them so seriously because they matter so much to me.
No, I don't wna feel this way.
I don't want her words to weigh a ton when the insults of others weigh nothing to me.
I dislike being so weak.
And as I try to detach myself from her, I fail time and again, because she's my mom.
There'll never be a way I can really be free from this bond, not that I want to but I just want things to loosen up a bit.
It's taking a toll on me.

And there he is.
No, I'm not your 17-year-old immature girl going all head over heels about a guy at this tender age and talking about love like I really understand what it is.
I might not fully, but that doesn't mean I don't at all.
To be honest, I'm really afraid.
There hve been too many failures, too many setbacks, too many rejections.
And this...
Even till now, I still find it too good to be true.
I am really happy being with you, and I'm sure I want this to last.
But wanting it to last doesn't mean it WILL last.
I'll do my best.
But at the same time I find it so hard to really open up to you,
because once I do that, I'll be reliant on you.
I'm afraid of that.
It's not your problem, it's mine.
Too many times reliance proved a wrong choice.
I love you, and I want you to be the one I can rely on too.
Well, maybe as things get more serious, we'll be better as one.
I really do hope we get more serious.
And be serious for a long, long time.

2010-02-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is Irony Day,
because I hve aplenty of reasons to feel both happy and unhappy.

Alright, so I ought to be happy because:

1. My eBook arrived and it's awesome.
2. I bought heels.
3. I got my dresses.
4. I spent some time with him and it really made my day.

And I'm unhappy because:
1. Though I bought heels, I didn't get my wedges and that's just sad.
2. I haven't settled my CNY clothings.
3. I cannot stop shopping online omg you hve no idea how fucking terrible I'm feeling now THIS IS HORRIBLE I HVE TO STOP BUT I CAN'T AND THIS SUCKS BALLS.
4. I just realised I look damn ugly in the clothes and heels cause I'm fucking fat.
5. I need a job.

Okay. I will stop eating until CNY. And work out. Okay please make this work. I cannot continue lazing around anymore. This is getting nowhere oh please please please. Damn.

2010-01-31T00:32:00.000-08:00

Family's gonna be busy,
everyone's busy,
so maybe I shall just go shopping on my own on Sunday, which is like what, today? Lol.

This is just so random.
Because I am so fucking bored I swear I'd hve fallen asleep with my eyes still staring wide open at the computer screen.
I want to sms you but it'd be rude to interrupt so I'd rather you hve fun...

The severe lack of night life is just like adding salt to my wound.

And my mom expects me to sleep as well just because everyone else in this fucking house is asleep alr.
Yeah, family. So we must eat and sleep tgt. How united.

Maybe my mom hving found a man again to be her companion isn't that bad a thing after all. At least when I take flight to really do extremely extreme stuff that she'd forbidden me from doing so all these years, I need not worry about her welfare.

I want to go out and hve fun like any other person because I'm a fucking sane human.

2010-01-30T15:20:00.000-08:00

I'll see you again, Victor Hugo Pratama!

Honestly, now I come to think of it,
I hve no idea what to expect of poly life.
No more writing (more or less),
no more teachers nagging on you to complete your assignments.
Basically, everything will be on your own.
On my own.

This theory-based education that spanned 10 years...
Suddenly it doesn't look as easy to give it up now.
Poly will be full of projects,
which I hate cause I've had aplenty of experiences hving worked with shitty people.

On one hand, I am excited.
I'll be learning things I've always wanted to, things that I hve interest in,
and need no longer deal with stuff like how to solve that fucking logarithmic sum or why iron will rust when it's placed near the sea.
I'll be working on something I've always wanted to do since secondary 3.

On the other, I'm worried.
I'll be up against all sorts of people,
mainly single-pointers in MCM,
and that doesn't sound as fun anymore.
I've heard nasty stuff about it and it's fine, every course ought to hve their own fair share of drama.
I'm just afraid I'm not up to all these.
All the expectations, the deadlines, the pressure.

But I know somehow I'll get this confidence.

2010-01-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

This is not the first time I'm talking about this and I guess it's starting to bore you out.

Sometimes I think way too much, so much that it scares me too. But at least it's all logical thinking, to me at least.

I used to think that a person only gets attracted to another due to his/her pretty looks or luscious figure. Why would you wna initiate a conversation with someone who looks like Susan Boyle junior (no doubt her vocals kick asses)? I always thought humans are superficial... And I was proven wrong. There are people who like you for who you are, and they look beyond that face of yours.

I'm just really happy all these is happening to me. So happy that I fear it's merely a dream. Or perhaps not a dream, but something short-lived. Because it's just too good to be true. Maybe I'd need some assurance...

But then again, I still feel the anxiety piling on me. Hesitations, considerations, fear, embarrassment. This is perhaps one of the most talked about topic within girls of this generation, and yeah, I'm one of them, sadly. I do think I am fat. I may not be morbidly fat, as he said. But I'm like, stuck in the middle of everything... I go online shopping, and all the models just look so good with the clothes on because their size basically fit every apparel. But not for me. I hve to hesitate, see if they hve my size, and that sucks. Because everytime this happens I feel so damn disgusted with myself. My friends all told me I am not fat, I don't know if it's a mere comfort or did they really mean it. Sometimes when I wear certain clothes, yes I do feel fine. But no, I don't want to look fine in just certain clothes, I want to look good in every single piece of clothing. I know my weight is perfect for my height, and that my weight-for-height category actually falls slightly to the underweight side (the fucking machine was lying I swear), still it doesn't change how flawed my outlooks are. Yes, you may say I'm superficial, but isn't everyone to a certain extent? I hate going about my low self esteem again, and I know it looks like I'm using my lack of confidence to gain sympathy and comforting words from friends who just wna make me feel better. That is not the case. You think I want to feel this way too? No. It's not a pleasant feeling, and I blame myself for it. I just can't seem to eradicate this negative mindset that's etched in my brain since like, forever. And no, I'm not your typical teenage girl who's anorexic or bulimic, it's unhealthy, and I know that. As if I've never tried being one, but it just didn't work out. We all need food, and I love food. I'm trying to eat as little as I can, a meal per day, and although the hunger is unbearable but it somehow provides some sort of comfort to my faltering self esteem.

Feeling fat and being fat, they're two very different things. To be fat, everyone can see it, because it's living, walking evidence. But to feel fat... It's just not a healthy thing, but yet so many of us feel this way. Despite friends telling us time and again till they're sick of it, about how perfectly fine our figure is , it just doesn't go into your head, because this is a matter of our own mind. We don't blame anyone; we only blame ourselves. Blame ourselves for not being able to resist the temptations of late night supper, only to force it out moments after, and all those uncontrolled eating sprees. To feel fat is a way to punish ourselves for being so weak against the appeal of food, and a low self esteem is just one part of this whole long, tormenting process. I go to Orchard Road, I look at the pretty, skinny girls with slim legs and slim arms and and slim faces and flat tummies, and I would think that they're all mocking me about how fat I look. Crazy imagination, but I can't help it.

I'm afraid I would be a disappointment. Not something someone had initially expected, and then everything would just come to an end. Am I good enough? That I don't know. I just hope I look presentable enough, and can still talk like I do behind the screen without being overwhelmed by self consciousness, and just be me. With him, I just wna set aside all my anxiety and feel free from all these pestering urges to be thin. And to actually feel fine with my own figure... for the first time.

Feeling fat just sucks balls.

2010-01-23T18:53:00.000-08:00

If I wake up on Wednesday morning and realised I've been posted to anywhere but MCM, I think I can just kill myself. Oh wait, I won't be sleeping.

2010-01-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

I finally know how it feels like to fall in love, not with one's attractive looks, but with one's unique and special character and personality.

But I guess this won't come to any good start anyway, just like any other. Oh well...

*

Friday night at my crib!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went out with a fifth of my 6C peeps and I had the best day of my life, yet, of 2010. Laugh tilled I teared, thanks to Bryan. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-20T02:47:00.000-08:00

Albeit a tad too late, here are my results.

EL - A2
CL - A1 (DIST)
COMBI HUMANS - A2
PURE GEOG - A2
EMATHS - B4
AMATHS - B3
COMBI SCI - B3

Nb I only got one A1 and I am fucking pissed cause I lost. My grades lost to somebody and I am feeling very, very sore. URGH screw this.

So,
L1R5: 13-2 = 11.
L1R4: 10-2 = 8.

Since I'm applying to a course that's under the Design faculty (do they use this 'faculty' word in poly? Whatever), my L1R4 became 11 and hence the final score is 9. Fucked up calculations.

This score is shit because I couldn't make it to the school I want. Whatever. Just screw everything.

2010-01-17T01:38:00.000-08:00

No I'm not going to JC like I've told my friends earlier.
My first choice is Poly and the second and third is JC. Yes just gasp and then laugh at me go ahead I know my choices are freaking weird lol.
Hope I can get into the course and God bless I will live with no regrets.

AND SO MANY PEOPLE GOING JJC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-08T01:49:00.000-08:00

Okay I dunno why I feel so pissed now but ANYWAY...

Dunno why some people think they can play very well so they go around saying snide remarks to those who're actually trying to play their best yet all they got was a comment so dampening. Fuck you la you think just because you can play well it means it gives you the right to put others down like that? So what if we played so badly? Does that give you the right to say we're pathetic and want us to end the game asap so you can play? Fuck you again, because your smugness disgusts me and yes I can't believe I actually saw you as a friend all along. Oh well, not anymore.

Training was fun. It feels good somehow with Pauline, Esther and Marilyn there, I dunno why. Nostalgia, I guess...

Gonna go back to school early on Monday and carry out some of my scheming plans. Okay lame shit. Results on Monday, I've been feeling so nervous till I can't take it anymore. Fuck this anxiety I'm gonna drop it and enjoy the last few days of my happiness. Meeting my old best friend tmr yay so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy then catch Avatar 3D hope I don't pass out from all the fuck dizziness lol.

Oh oh oh and I think Katy Perry is so hot omg can't stop imagining things HAHAHAHAHAHAHA alright just hving some fun EVERYONE DESERVES SOME FUN AFTER ALL THIS SHIT RIGHT!?!?!??!?! Whatever.

Goodnight lovelies.

2010-01-03T15:59:00.000-08:00

I had good dreams last night.

I dreamt that OSF's new collection is out and they've got really beautiful pieces of apparels I can't resist.

Then, I dreamt of him. I dreamt that everything was back to normal between us and he talked to me gently, and not in a reproachful tone.

And I know none of these will come true.

OSF's might, and I think it will, just that it's not anytime soon, but I can guarantee the second one is gonna take a long, long time, or it's not gonna happen at all.

Went to this house warming at Bukit Timah, some cousins of my dad's. And gosh... It's hard not to take a hit on your self esteem because: The husband's an architect, the wife's a lawyer (formerly in NYGHS I think), they hve 3 sons, of which I know is, one's in Hwa Chong Institution, one other in the Gifted Education Programme, and the last I dunno. Then they hve another set of cousins, the husband's an engineer, the wife's a doctor, they hve 2 kids, son's in RI, daughter's in RGS. And they hve ANOTHER set of cousins, husband's a Science HOD in some school, wife's a principal in some other school, they hve 2 kids, son's in NS, daughter just came back from UK under a NIE Scholarship.

WTF!?

Is it in their genes or smth? Gosh. And the house was really nice, 4 storeys, though the land area for each level is kinda small... They hve this really friendly golden retriever named Samson, and he's really special. When we reached, we got outta the car and stood widely spread, and he came to greet each and everyone one of us, one by one. Then he went to wait by the car to greet my dad who was parking the car. And never did he try to jump up on you or whatsoever, he's just so mild, so well-behaved, so... decent. Lol. Made me want to hve a dog more than ever...

Can't wait for Monday, so please, make the flu go away... :(

2009-12-31T21:47:00.000-08:00

I wanted to feel responsible so I've decided to write this post as the summary of my Year 2009. Saw it on Tammy's page and it gave me inspiration hehehe. Shall treat this as a way to put an official full-stop to everything in 2009, and also to usher in my brand-new and hopefully, BETTER, 2010.

2009, I failed to be a good volleyball captain. I've always seen this as a very sensitive subject, but I don't see why I shouldn't open myself up now when everything is coming to an end. I know I didn't manage to earn all your respect because I failed in many aspects, I cannot lead well and I know that better than anybody else. I don't like to command, although that's what many ppl think I should do. To me, a team should be happy together, doing things on their own accord rather than being forced. I do not like forcing my teammates to do things they're unwilling to do because I dislike seeing the dismay on their faces afterwards - it hurts me. I'd rather just let you hve your way. I don't deserve this captain position in the first place because I know - ALL OF YOU should know - that there is someone else who deserves it more than I do, who contributed more to the team than anybody else, and who loved volleyball more than anybody else. So here, I would like to say I'm sorry to all my teammates of HYVB '06 '07 '08 and '09 and of course to you sweethearts of Szeting's batch, I'm sorry I didn't manage to bring you girls into the Top 4 of the West Zone division this year, and for failing as a leader and hving not carried out my duties well enough to suffice. But deep down I'll never forget all those hardship we went through together, all those out-to-kill-you trainings. They seem to tough now, as we think back, we might wonder, "Damn, how the hell did I manage to pull through that in the first place!?" We did manage to survive, because we know we hve a group of girls who're going through the very same ordeal as us, and who, just like us, wna play well and improve so we can bring the whole team's performance to a greater height. We laughed, we quarrelled, we hated, we loved, we cried, we shouted, but in the end it all boils down to the same old thing - team. I know a team sport is hard to perform well as the chances of someone making a mistake is multiplied by 6, this is the time we must learn to forgive. We always had some form of communication problem which I've failed to eradicate, which, in the end, it proved to be the main problem that undermined our team's performance. Yes, we may not be the most bonded team ever and we may even hve had internal conflicts, but who cares about them when none of this shit can ever, EVER erase or deny everything we've went through together? All these 4 years had been tough, and now as I think back I will miss the times. Those on court with Wuenny who never fails to scare the hell outta me when her temper blows, with YY who always needs a reassurance time and again to actually remind her how good a player she is, with Janelle who got so tensed her shoulders always stiffened (I wonder if you've noticed it yourself hehehe), with Meifen who has the most steady performance, with Kohser whose fighting spirit is second to none and Serli, you'll always be a part of us even if you don't want to, it's an undeniable fact :), and also with the then-me, who always puts on a sulky face when I'm scolded, because most of the times I get so nervous I just lose myself and played shit. Some left us halfway, it's okay. Because we know we worked hard not only for us to continue standing strong with their side-along support, but also for Ye Jiao Lian and Wu Zong Xian, and for ourselves. As we go our separate ways and may not stay in contact anymore, I do hope this chapter in your life remains one worth remembering and cherishing. After all, how many gets to be trained hardcore in volleyball at such young ages and still enjoyed it because we had a great bunch of girls alongside with us that numbed all the pain and hardship simply by their own presence and being their own, crazy selves? Hehehe. HYVB Aces, as always. :)

2009, I did my Os. This is the first time I cried so hard for an atrociously-done examination I couldn't believe I actually did that. In fact, I've pretty much screwed up most of my studies throughout these 4 years in secondary school. Nonetheless, I woke up this year and did whatever I could to salvage the situation and I really hope it isn't too late to mend things up. My mom and I did some planning about my future and it's comforting to know at least I hve some back-up plans, IN CASE I really ruined my own future.

2009, I made many new enemies and surprisingly, I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT. Ha ha ha. This is my favourite part. Let's hve an example: Ng Chin Xiang. This fella, I believe many of you will remember him as this fat ass who graduated from HYSS a few years back. Well, GOOD NEWS! HE SLIMMED DOWN! BAD NEWS! HE IS STILL AS UGLY! Because he argued with me over Sezairi winning the Singapore Idol so I totally deleted him from my friends list. Here's the story - When Sezairi (SS) won the SI, I got so pissed off so I typed smth offensive towards SS on my MSN personal message. Nobody gave a damn until this CX came and said, "That SS guy happened to be my friend." So I replied I don't give a damn about it, which is true. And by then his tone pissed me off alr. So he went on saying SS is really good and I told him, "Please, I don't wna argue with you." VERY RUDE MEH? And guess what he replied, "I don't wna argue with you." OMG HAHAHAHA DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HILARIOUS THIS LOSER IS. Hey CX, I don't give a shit if you're reading this because this whole paragraph is dedicated to you (see, it's even longer than my Os paragraph HA HA). In the very first place, I don't give a fucking damn if that SS is your friend. Did I even ask? Fuck you.
Secondly, you said that SS is really good. Yes, TO YOU. Please understand the fact that different people hve got different perspectives, one man's meat is another man's poison. Get it? I doubt you do, cause when we argued you still seem to be in denial. I'm not arguing against your beliefs that SS is better than Sylvia (which is wrong to begin with), just that your refusal to accept others' perspectives and your absurd motive to psycho and force and argue your way through just for ppl to hve the same mindset as you is simply FUCKING DISGUSTING, JUST LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE HA HA HA.
And lastly, you said you didn't wna argue with me. OH PLEASE, I SAID THAT FIRST AND RIGHT FROM THE START I DIDN'T EVEN WNA TALK TO YOU, YOU INITIATED THE DUMB CONVERSATION FIRST. Seriously, who gives a shit if you think SS is good? Your friends? Your family? You know, it's not that they share the same opinion as you do, it's just that they don't wna say everything I'm saying right now IN-YOUR-FUCKING-FACE. I really don't need such disgusting beings like you in my life, maybe you think I'm a bitch too. Well, I am. So what? Does that deny the fact that you're as fugly and revolting too? No. So, we're on par. HA HA HA. And don't tell me, "Hve a good life". I alr hve a good life WITHOUT your presence, so please don't destroy this beauty. Always coming up with random "I miss you" and telling me so directly that you expect me to say I miss you too, even if it means I hve to lie just to make you happy, omg that was when we were still friends so I didn't tell you how random and irritating and shameless you were. Gosh. Thank God you're out of my life. One less friend is no harm, you didn't play a single small part in my life right from the start anyway. Woooooooo happy much. :D

2009, I did not fall in love.
I'm lying.
HA HA HA.
OH WELL... I can't talk about it cause he didn't allow me too, so no choice. Anyway, I got to know some of my male classmates a lot more this year and I'm surprised how mature they've got. Another good news :)
GIRLS, THROW ALL YOUR SORROW BEHIND, AND LOVE YOUR NEW LIFE AHEAD IN 2010, BECAUSE THESE GUYS AREN'T WORTH YOUR TEARS AND CONCERN AND HEARTACHE! LIVE FOR YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF! That's all I can say. Hehehe :D

2009, I DID A LOT, A LOT, A LOT OF SHOPPING. MY POSB SAVINGS DEPLETED LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. BUT NEVERMIND I AM HAPPY BECAUSE I GET TO LOOK NICE AND FEEL PRETTY WHICH SAVES ME FROM MY UTTERLY LOW SELF ESTEEM! Although only for a short while... I've been spending blindly, I'm completely aware of it. So now I'm waiting for PYK to get me the job so I can ease the spending a bit, so at least make up for the missing money in the bank account. My mom's still in the dark, hehehehehehehe :D

2009, I had a lot of crazy, absurd thoughts.
I wanted to smoke (OMG WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING MANZZZZZZ)
I wanted to get a tongue piercing (think of the pain *faint*)
I wanted to get a tattoo (LMAO)
I wanted to go clubbing (like some desperate bitch right. Nb)
Too many to remember but I think all these all enough to make my mom faint on the spot if she reads it omg can't imagine that DISASTERXZXZXZXXXZ.

All in all, I don't think I really liked the year 2009. I dunno why too. Oh well, it's gonna be over in approximately 2 hours. I hope for a new beginning! Hving countdown in my estate, everyone gathering by the pool, although by then the lights will be out. Gonna go swimming nauwzzz even though no lights :( OH WELL...

I LOVE YALL PEEPS.
FOR LOVE, FOR FASHION, FOR MONEY, FOR YOUR CAT, FOR MORE PRETTY CLOTHES, FOR HAPPINESS, FOR YOUR FRIENDS, FOR MORE MONEY, AND FOR YOUR PARENTS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE,

A HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2010!
And a new chapter begins. :)

2009-12-30T04:18:00.000-08:00

I DON'T WNA UPLOAD ALREADY BLOGGER PHOTO UPLOADER IS WHAT THE FUCK MANZZZZZZZZ AM SO PISSED OFF BYE.

2009-12-29T23:35:00.000-08:00

I felt so great today because I spent my day with loads of fun with TYY, and I bought some really nice stuff. Although I spent so much today but I feel surprisingly happy, because I've cheered myself up and also made TYY happy. Yay :D

Saw Tammy at OSF FEP today. She's... beautiful. I told her and she said, "No, I'm not." And then shunned away, smiling awkwardly. Perhaps I was too straightforward, but I meant what I said.

Stepping into the shop took a huge toll on my self esteem. Just looking at her... It made me wonder, "How can someone ever look so good?" And her boyfriend was there too, hve seen aplenty of his photos online but his real self was, oh God... Another good-looking-like-wtf human being. He loves Tammy, I can see that, and when Tammy was putting my purchases into the paper bag, he helped her. He showed Tammy the one I bought and then he shoved it back into the paper bag, and Tammy went like, "You can fold anot?" then he was stunned for a moment and then said, "Ohoh ok" LOL so sweet I couldn't help smiling.

You'll be really happy to see such a pretty couple together, it was like they were made for each other, she being so beautiful, and he being so suave. It's just so... heartwarming, to see another deserving girl getting a boy she deserves, though I'm not so sure about the vice-versa but I think I can sense that he really loves her a lot... I'm happy for her :)

Photos with TYY. Will update soon, we took some really nice photos with her superb photography skils hehehehe :D

I think I'm quite determined to go for PS. Need the resources.

2009-12-29T01:16:00.000-08:00

"But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe.. it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls , broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

- From Stacey's blog.

It just made too much sense.

2009-12-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's 7am, the sun is rising, the sky is dimming.
TIME TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Goodnight lovelies!

2009-12-26T05:58:00.000-08:00

My bro and I in Japan.

This is a deleted post.

2009-12-25T06:03:00.000-08:00

What I got for Christmas:

1. My mom scolded me like hell and I feel like I'm damned.
2. Went walking around the whole Wisma Atria alone
3. Bought a present for my mom and I got scoldings in return
4. My mom refuses to trust me
5. Heartache
6. Pain.

2009-12-22T03:27:00.000-08:00

I miss the times walking the streets with someone's hand to hold on to.

Maybe she's right, I should settle down.

But sometimes things just don't go your way.

Anyway, that fucker from NP came and talk nonsense again. I read magazine you also wna comment. Why NP so many fucked up ppl ZZZ and yet they hve really really nice people like Wilson. So ironic, but maybe people call this a balance? Lmao.

I AM FREE ON XMAS EVE AND XMAS DAY SOMEONE PLEASE ASK ME OUT PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE :(
I don't want another xmas like the last one which sucked big time. My mom said I'm free to go out to celebrate since they won't be celebrating this year SO I AM FREE! God bless I don't end up in the shit like I did last year.

Sorta found a job, gonna be going with PYK YAY SO EXCITED BECAUSE ALL I CAN THINK OF NOW IS MONEY LOL I WANT THAT PAIR OF SHOES IT'S 50 DOLLARS AND SINCE I ASSUME I'LL BE EARNING SOME MONEY SOON I GUESS I WON'T FEEL GUILTY WITHDRAWING MONEY ALR HEHEHEHEHE but dang. I look at the balance in my bank account and I really feel like shooting myself in the head like just BANG and fall and die. Lol okay not funny.

I miss Sharvin.
That fucker say free will contact me NB NOW GONNA XMAS ALR STILL MIA WALAO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU ANOTZZZZZZZZZ lol.

Am so tired I think my whole biological clock is about to be messed up by my irregular sleeping hours lolol okay off to slumber GOODNIGHT LOVES hehehehehehe.

2009-12-21T04:13:00.000-08:00

Oh and my skin on my arms and neck are peeling away thanks to the sunburn I feel like a snake now shedding skin wherever I go lol.

I asked Sharvin if I should get an eyebrow piercing.
I think I'm mad.
He suggested a lip piercing.
I scared during the action I scold knn only then the person buay song go pierce wrong place then kena my teeth LOL
I've got a superb imagination.
It's 4am and I'm still awake SEE THIS IS WHAT INSOMNIA DO TO YOU SO FUCKING GO TO BED NOW lol.
So high! Wonder why I can get high when I'm alone and not when I'm surrounded with surges of people.

HOPE EUGENE CAN MAKE IT SO WE CAN GO TO NPANE AGAIN YAY :DDDDDDDDDD

2009-12-21T03:58:00.000-08:00

EUGENE AHHH SO CUTE LOL

First try and we got it

James

Nathaniel

Ng

I think my blog is dead but who gives a shit huh WHO.
So fucked up nowadays and the house warming just escalated everything.
Imagine sitting in front of the computer crying and choking on the fucking pizza WTH man zzz and my mom still thinks that all the unhappiness is caused by my fucking attitude.
RIGHT I HVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM TYVM.

Went to Orchard with CW and Eugene today and didn't find anything to do and sadly it started to rain so we went to Ngee Ann Poly to visit the ongoing ANE camp with Albert and Huishan and Felicia etcetcetc and so fun! Took photos like wtf and they were eating when we reached so everyone stared at us like we're aliens or smth rofl.
Went up to the LT and found Huishan and Felicia. Then there was this guy whom I dunno and not interested to know who was so irritating, hve to comment on everything I say and do and even passed me a condom when CW and I left the room tgt for a jiffy to check out stuff outside. Nothing-better-to-do fucker with no brains how I wish I could say this in your fucking face but I can't cause you treated us Twisties and tidbits :(

And I am sick of people telling me that I'm too direct I dunno why too I've grown to become so impatient.
I just don't like beating around the bush if I'm trying to get a message across it's a fucking waste of time!
I like people who are assertive and express themselves openly although it's good to note your words when you're with people you love and care for. These people are the ones whose feelings you should keep a lookout for.
Otherwise I won't be feeling guilty after everything I said on the spur of the moment because they were heartfelt and heartfelt words are hard to come by from me since I lie so much all the time HAHAHA.

2009-12-03T02:40:00.000-08:00

In life, there are many questions asked and left unanswered.
Not that there is no answer, but we just simply chose not to.

When you thought everything in life was going well,
everything was going your way,
you smile at everyone with that confidence running ever so fervently in your blood,
you look at life so positively everyday,
and just suddenly,
everything seem to be moving so fast.

You look back.
Everything is a blur.
You try to make out the vague outlines from within the fog and yet to no avail.
And then you come back to yourself and thought, "What was I doing?"

Not that you blame yourself for all those falsely-portrayed confidence,
but now every single cell in you just felt that fatigue.
It happened all so suddenly, you couldn't catch up with the reality that you're being hit back to ground zero, hard.

You regain composure and realised...
You're but you.
Never did this fact change.
And it never will.
You look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder why people can succeed all the time and yet you see such an outcast in the mirror.
Then you thought, "Maybe I just need a little more confidence. Maybe I just need to hve a higher self esteem."

So you went out asking around, how do people walk the streets with their heads held high,
with that glow in their eyes that you could only envy,
with that ever-assuring smile that could make you sign a dozen insurance contracts on your own accord,
and to the end there is still no answer.

You talk to your friends, and they too said the same thing.
All these derived from your lack of confidence, and you need to push yourself to hve a higher self esteem.

And then you begin to wonder,
to hve such a pathetically low self esteem and confidence level,
is it your fault from the very beginning?
To feel so inferior by just thinking of the girl from your tour group whom everyone thinks she's brainy and beautiful and even your own stepbrother couldn't stop staring at her,
is that to blame on your own sensitivity?

As you try to figure things out,
you, again, ponder if all these are merely sporadic, or hve they been infesting your mind for all these years?
Are these merely woes of a teenager?
No, you thought, because you know this fact about yourself best that your thinking is mature enough to assess if these are typical teenage follies or really problems that developed from your very own self reflection.

You keep all these in your mind,
as you attempt to decipher your complex chain of thoughts on your own.
Your brain branches out like a web so rapidly, you got so overwhelmed, a moment with glee, and yet the other with unhappiness.
For a moment you hoped you were emotion-free.

You opened up, you tried to talk.
You hoped for understanding from your friends,
but people nowadays...
They do not care.
They pretend to understand.
This fast-moving society developed geniuses and also pretenders.
So many of them, you don't know who to trust,
you don't know who'll understand anymore.
You don't know if they'll listen to you and after you hung up the phone, they just turned around and cursed you for your stupidity and for wasting his/her time.

Friends... This word sounds so familiar.

When your only kin has found her new love,
and your stepbrothers don't give a damn about you,
you live with the fact that in this family of six, you hve no one but yourself to rely on.
No one will give you a comforting shoulder, only you yourself.
You'll pull through, you thought.
But sometimes you just can't make it on your own.

You find it hard to come to terms with all these you're going through,
but you believe that in the years to come,
as you mature,
you will realise that, this is life.
You hve to live it the way it is.

Sometimes in life we just need to crumble and fall,
and cry your woes,
because we humans are born to err,
are born to experience pain, however excruciating.
And from this pain, only will we realise that,
we hve only our very self to rely on.

2009-12-02T02:49:00.000-08:00

In the movie 2012, the President of the USA wanted to stay behind so as to tell his people the truth, and also to allow kins to hve the chance to bid farewell to one another.
I've never believed in this 2012 End-of-the-World thing and refused to watch the movie because in my opinion, to watch it means that you're actually obliging to the fact that it is true.
But my parents wanted to watch it so I was thinking, a free movie, why not?
So I went to catch the movie after all.

It turned out to be so disturbing.

It set all my beliefs into question, and now I doubt my very own stand.
Everything seemed so real.
The San Andreas Fault all over again... And according to studies (this is fact), they say there is a possibility of another major earthquake along the San Andreas Fault. As of when, this is unpredictable.
Maybe because we study Plate Tectonics in Geography, that's why this movie got me so tense.
All those plates moving apart, it suddenly struck me that all these might be true.
Global warming, CFCs, rising sea levels... All these phenomenons just strengthened the whole belief of this Global Judgement Day.
It all feel so real now, because it's smth that is actually plausible.
We are standing right above the crusts of Earth, God knows what's going on down there?
Burning magma, waiting for its chances to burst up onto the surface and kill us all civilisations?
Or earthquakes of magnitudes more than 9.0 on the Richter Scale?
And gigantic tsunamis...
Gosh, should not hve let my thoughts run wild, sorry.
Anyway, the scene of Hawaii becoming a ring of fire, literally, is possible.
Hawaii lies on this Ring of Fire, I'm not very sure about the names but there are many active volcanoes there, hence it's as dangerous as it sounds.
And this Earth Crustal Displacement theory... That's very interesting. That's the reason of all those ongoing earthquakes.

Anyway, I'd like to say that, my beliefs hve been put into question and I'm beginning to doubt myself.
I've been cynical, even joining this group on Facebook named, 'In 2013 I will watch 2012 and laugh'.
I will not leave the group, as I still hold on to my beliefs, but I'll definitely pass judgements only when my on-hand information has matured.

Earth is the root to all life; it created us, and it can also destroy us.

Repent, for the end is near.

If you want to survive, migrate to Africa now. As shown in the movie 2012, the Cape of Good Hope will be mankind's new home, and the birth of another generation of life. God bless :)

2009-11-28T13:54:00.000-08:00

I'm bored so I've decided to blog on.

Firstly, I think the Prom King title is so wasted on that Eddy guy.
No offence, but there were so many other good looking guys that night and omg he won.
He was making things hard for Yong Gene, and he didn't even do much yet he won.
What a joke...
Kokyong was the sporting one, he should hve got it.

Kohser own, hands down. She's beautiful, I've got no comments.

And there were so many pretty girls that night but of course the presence of beauty greatly enhanced the ugliness of others.
Yes I'm being mean again blah blah say I'm a bitch. I don't give a shit.
Anyway, I just like putting people down but hey these people deserve it, as if I'll go messing around with you if you haven't step on my toes.

Anyway, I kinda think Prom was really boring.
Even YY and Mun said I looked better last night than on Prom when I was wearing the exact same outfit LOL only with that blazer on.

Speaking of blazers...
MUN SAID THAT THE BLAZER IS NO LONGER ON SALE IN UNIQLO LIKE WTF!?
Okay nevermind forget it I'll be more thrifty, go Far East instead.
And actually Far East isn't very cheap too but compared to Japan I think all Japanese will love Singapore because everything there is so fucking costly.
Those Pixie Lott heels I refused to let go of in that typical Far-East-lookalike store in Japan cost S$150. Nb.
No choice. Give it up.
AND ALL FINAL FANTASY X AND X-2 FANS OUT THERE, I SAW RIKKU'S BOOTS THERE TOO!!!
AND GUESS WHAT, IT'S S$250!!!
Fuck.

I love Japan.

2009-11-28T12:54:00.000-08:00

Just got back from Japan on the 25th and yeah, it was fun.
But everything is so fucking expensive and I didn't buy a single piece of clothing.
But still Disneyland was awesome! Love it.

I'll post all photos on Facebook because I've had enough shit from Blogger's photo uploader.

Went to town with Bobo and Mun yesterday, haven't been so happy for a long, long time.
Although I had to buy a new pair of shoes because the heels were killing me (FUCK, NEVER EVER WEAR HEELS TO ORCHARD), the shoes were still nice la. At least I tried to psycho myself saying the shoes were nice LOL.
Anyway, laughed and laughed like there was no tmr, had so much fun.
Love yall sweethearts.

And don't you guys think that, when someone assumes that he means a whole great deal to you, it's just so hilarious?
I had a great laugh a few days back.
He said he didn't want to upset me so he was thinking of a way to convey the message without hurting my feelings.
Oh God...
Can't stop laughing. What a joke.
Yeah, I'm SO sad, so sad that you don't like me anymore!
I'm so detestable, nobody loves me, awwwwww SO SAD I WNA CRY!
HAHAHAHAHA ROFL.
So much for saying you're unlike the average kinda guy.
BULLSHIT, you just made a fool outta yourself honey.

Oh well, it was a waste of time.
To be honest, I didn't bothered.
I don't give a shit.
So, I'm sorry for the misunderstandings caused, I was just playing around.

I HVE TO GET A NEW DRESS I HVE TO!
And should I work? Because my resources in POSB are depleting at a rate faster than the most extreme Longshore Drift that ever occurred.
God bless.

2009-11-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

Flight is in the early hours of Friday,
which means I'd hve to check in by about 10pm tonight.
Will be aboard the Airbus 380 back from Japan next Wednesday.
Sweet.

But, I'd rather be with my classmates rather than to come back and face my mother.
Yesterday's BBQ was fun, although I didn't eat much but still, when we worked together to get the fire going it felt so heartwarming.
Justin standing topless trying to set up the fire, Serli's blowing till she was running outta breath, Sharvin using his bare hands on the charcoal, Ratna busy with defrosting the food, Yihan fanning like there's no tmr, Jooping's plate-fanning, Herwen and others trying to break up chunks of charcoal by smashing them on the ground, and so many more.
Although we were slogging half our lives out for those enjoying themselves in the living room playing majong or watching SI, well I hope they did help to clear up.
Although I heard that some were still playing majong.
Oh well, a leopard never changes its spots. We're graduating, so fuck it, whatever.
Those who cooked ate last, I just couldn't tolerate this unfairness...
Next time let's just cut down on the number of mouths and get some really responsible ones and not those sloths, my lovelies.

*

So, it's not gonna happen anyway.
It's alright, life's like that.
Just live it.

I've spent a year waiting that proved to be fruitless.
It's time to snap outta this daze and move on.
I love you, very sadly I do.
But it ain't working when I only do you and you do not.

2009-11-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

Amidst all those beautiful people, I felt inferior.
I felt so out of place, so ugly.
All those overwhelming smiles and laughter...
I tried to blend in. I did.
But it just didn't work.

This whole year that've passed, you won't know how it felt like.

You said, to give you time.
I will.
I'll wait.

What's with me that you're hesitating over?
No, I don't wna know.

Standing by your side, it smothers me.
You still won't give me that chance.

2009-11-09T18:23:00.000-08:00

Two map readings came out today.
TWO.
That's a plural.
And it didn't come out in Industries, it came out in GOF and Tourism.
WHAT THE HELL...
I know screwed up. The paper was so easy, yet I couldn't remember the points at all.
But surprisingly I don't feel bad about it...
At least I know I can score, maybe not as well as Paper 1 but still...
Oh well, it's over.
No point fretting over it.

AND MY DAMN PHONE JUST MALFUNCTIONED 2 DAYS BEFORE MY 'O' LEVELS END.
GREAT, HOW GREAT...

2009-11-08T23:12:00.000-08:00

I just finished my whole Geography syllabus and surprising, I feel kinda empty...
No more studying the effects of earhtquakes etc...
It has been one of my favourite subjects and it'll always be (excluding The Industrial World of course, that topic is shit).

OKAY PLAN FOR POST-Os ACTIVITIES BABY!

Wednesday - sadly, many people are going home to sleep right after the last paper. ZZZ.

Thursday - Still planning

Friday - MEET PRIME SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM WAS ¬!"£$%^&*() YEARS AGO

Saturday - Shopping

Sunday - Shopping

Monday - Prom Night.

Speaking of Prom Night... Was actually quite excited about it but come to think of it, it'll kinda suck. There'll be this sudden surge of people as compared to last year. So many people, so overcrowded, and that is not pleasant.

Oh well, that's life, live with it.

Dunno what to wear yet, ain't gonna care about it anyway. The theme is so random, just wear smth will do.

Full Geography Paper 2, here I come! WOOOOOOOOOOOO

2009-11-07T23:50:00.000-08:00

New home is... sweet.
The Japanese theme is pretty and my room is perfect,
though I hve quite a handful of cartons to unpack.
Still not used to the fact that I hve a shopping mall just right beneath my feet lol.

Geography Paper 2 on Monday and I really don't see why I should give a damn about why people are consuming lesser staple food than before.

I WANT TO SKIP GEOGRAPHY OF FOOD ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Such irony here as I knew Industrial World was so much easier than GOF yet I still gave up the former. Oh well, too late...

Geography Paper 1 was fun!
Tricky questions, Cambridge wants to try something new huh...
AND ELECTIVE GEOGRAPHY DIDN'T HVE MAP READING LIKE !"£$%^&*()
SO LUCKY.

Okay off to complete the horrible Blue and Green Revolutions that I don't even give a shit about but I hve to for the sake of my beloved Cambridge markers... LOVE YALL PROFESSORS PLEASE LET ME ACE MY GEOGRAPHY I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER! XOXOXOXOXOXO

Lol.

2009-11-03T20:31:00.000-08:00

Combined Humanities was surprisingly easy.
I was lucky. Many others studied only Venice and Healthcare yet neither of it came out.
Got technique... But nobody asked me. Lol.
Oh well... Globalisation was a breeze, Stalinist Regime was smooth.
As for SBQ, I did okay for the both... But I always screw up my SBQ so whatever.
Written a huge chunk for SEQ, some 3 pages each... Hve to score there, since I know SBQ no hope...
All those POTOC, SOREI techniques, to hell with them I couldn't even rmb what they stood for when my hands were dislocating due to the heavy workload.

Chemistry was... easy too.
But if they moderate then I die.
Sadly, I forgotten that Calcium Carbonate decompose upon combustion and it doesn't react with the Oxygen... Some 2 marks gone there. Oh well.

Physics and Geography tmr.
I'm hopeful.

Maybe God didn't forsake me and allowed me to do better for my Sciences and Humanities in order to make up for my horrible Maths. :)

Moving house tmr!
Bye bye inaccessible Bukit Gombak,
hello Jurong Point! :D

2009-10-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

We were at IMM then there was this fucker who die die want to cut into my mom's lane.
Please la, we're going straight, our lane is the priority lane and you were there squeezing your fucking car out into the lane.
Then my mom's car bang into his when the car in front moved.
This fucker came out, knocked on my mom's car window and shouted, " I NEVER MOVE WHY YOU MOVE! NOW YOUR CAR BANG ONTO MY CAR, YOU COME OUT AND SEE!"

KNN IN THE FIRST PLACE THE CAR IN FRONT MOVED SO OF COURSE WE MOVE FORWARDS LA PEA BRAIN.
YOU KEPT MOVING ALSO, YOU THINK WE WERE BLIND IS IT.
THERE WERE 3 PAIRS OF EYES ON MY CAR AND ONLY 2 PAIRS OF BLINDED FUCKING EYES ON YOURS, YOU WNA COMPARE WITNESS IS IT?
THE CAR BEHIND US WAS TAKING PHOTOS ALSO, MIND YOU. TAKING PHOTOS OF HOW YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CAR WAS TRYING TO SQUEEZE OUT INTO OUR LANE.
STILL DARE TO SAY YOU NEVER MOVE SO WHY WE MOVE.
HELLO, YOU WERE MOVING TOO. UNLESS YOUR LAME LEGS STEPPED ON THE ENGINE WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT.
COME ONE.
YOUR FUCKING CAR WAS THERE FOR US TO BANG ON IT YOU FUCKER.

You guys should really look at his fucking face. So bloody stucked up. If I weren't a girl I would hve disfigured him.
Still take out camera and take photo somemore. Please la. You think your digicam very zai is it. My stepdad took out his video-cum-digicam and took photos immediately too, FLASH YOU TO DEATH, FUCKER.
THINK MY MOM DRIVE YARIS YOU DRIVE ALTIS YOU WIN IS IT.
COME ON LA. YOU THINK TOYOTA VERY EXPENSIVE HUH. NB.

Call him to go out and settle, GUESS WHAT.
HE JUST FUCKING DROVE OFF LIKE THAT.
STILL DARE TO LOOK AT US WHEN HE DROVE OFF.
OBVIOUSLY HE DIDN'T DARE TO TALK TO US FACE TO FACE, YOU MOTHER FUCKING LOSER!

Look at yourself, son of a bitch.
Look at your balding, receding hairline and your fucking face in the mirror,
maybe we shouldn't bang your car,
I think I might just want to ram my car into your face or just run my wheels over your skull. You'll look better then.
YOU WERE SO UGLY.

Dear people, this is the car plate number -> SFR882E
Please inform me if you see this car anywhere... I'd love to decorate it someday.

Damn it, I've never been so worked up for a long, long time.
Maybe I should hve a lighter with me. So I could just chuck it beneath his car and he'll just be blown into pieces.
Oh wait, his wife musn't be there. Let his wife die with him? That's too nice.
He should go to hell alone. ALONE. BURN IN HELL YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Urgh. Ugly communters. Shall call someone to help me check out his identity.

But hope there's no lawsuit. Waste money on this kind of shit people.

2009-10-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

I screwed up my E Maths.
I don't dispel the possibility of failing it.
Everyone said it was so easy, I bet I'm gonna fall beneath the bell curve.
Please don't tell me things like it isn't possible to fail E Maths etc.
I took the paper, I understand best how badly I screwed it up.
My mind just went... blank? It was like the worst mind blockage I ever, ever had.
They say A Maths is supposed to be harder than E Maths.
Well, my score for A Maths is definitely better, since my E Maths is confirm fail alr.

And English.
I just submitted my worst written essay to Cambridge.
Unexpected consequences, I think my consequences were the most expected.
Fuck.
No use spamming all those vocabulary when my content is shit.

Anyway, I've thought it through.
I'm gonna retake my 'O' Levels next year.
Not all subjects, just some specific ones.
Some of my friends are going to do so too, so...
But hesitations...
Another year... That's a lot.
Pride's in my way,
single-pointer's on the other end.

Should I go for it, or succumb to my ego?

Why did I screw up in a national exam in the first place?
I know I hve what it takes; but why did I let my anxiety take the better of me?
This is so embarrassing.

2009-10-17T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've got so much to say but I'm feeling doubtful.
Because I criticise so much it becomes a habit.
Close friends should know, I do that pretty often...
On the other hand, I hve but a handful of close friends so it doesn't matter.
Whatever...
Sick of studying.
Fuck 'O' Levels.

Wait.
I'm doing this for something.
No pain no gain.

Alright, apparently I'm hving these sporadic conversations with myself again, just that now I'm typing it all out on my space for the whole wide world to see!

No one gives a shit anyway.

Cambridge drives people crazy.
Such inhumanity...

I hope I hve dreams like swimming in an ocean full of exponential and logarithmic equations, algebra etc etc...
Or maybe I'll meet Hitler in my sleep so I can chuck him into the gas chamber and gas half of his fucking life outta him and then throw him into the human furnace alive and burn half his body away and then make him do the death march from Auschwitz to the USSR or something.

Oh my God.
This is so abnormal.

2009-10-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

Fuck you, damn History.

Never felt so upset for a long, long time.

2009-09-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

Catching F1 in about 2 and a half hours.
Hope it's more exciting than last year's!

Ciao.

2009-09-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

Everytime I listen to any of 2PM's songs now,
I think of Jaebeom,
I feel upset,
and about all those times they spent together, an effort of 4 years that had easily evaporated in 4 days.
What might be on Junsu's mind now? I don't know.
I know Ratna would love to comfort Wooyoung but as merely fans of theirs, we can hardly do anything.

Hope they're really doing fine, despite all the boycotting and sabotaging from 2PM fans who want Jae back really really badly.

Minority of the Prelims results are out,
the rest will be tmr, as we're told.
F9 for A Maths. Well, as if I'm surprised.
But I finally passed my E Maths after 3.5 years...
And aced my Geography after 2years of C6.
Thank God.
Hope my actual 'O' Levels won't be a fucking screwed up one,
had enough time spent in this school, especially with one with teachers scolding vulgar to students.
Oh well.
Shall do all the bombarding on teachers after my Os.
They're not worth my time, at least not now.

2009-09-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

Mun and I saw something today that left me deeply intrigued...
This person was posting on her blog some things that I don't suppose she herself realized that she had her post filled with sexual hints.
HAHAHA well, a taboo topic, but not to me.
If it was, all those sexual education MOE made us go for would all be futile, won't it?

ANYWAY,
had lotsa fun criticizing people, even when I was at SB and someone just happen to walk past me and I simply went, "What the fuck is wrong with her clothes?"
I don't think Mun heard it, HAHAHA.
But of course, this is a very, very negative expression of my character, or maybe this crude sense of humour has already been integrated into my personality?
Seriously, I seem to hve a huge issue being unable to find issues in people whom I don't even know.
Lol, but it's fun. At least it can help relief some stress.
A good laugh is always effective and FOC :)

And oh my God, I'm still using the computer when Os are just a month away!
I don't think I look like I'm taking them soon anyway, do I? Hm hm, doubt so.

Alright, time to be a sloth.
Hope I won't get a rude awakening tonight again.
There was a mother fucker hammering away in the dead of the night at 2am.
I spent a God damned hour trying to fall asleep and after I did, in less than 15 minutes that idiot started hammering away. Could hear people shouting knnccb etc etc outside but the hammering only got stronger.
Maybe that fella fervently wanted to send the message to all sleepy souls out there saying that, "WATCH ME HAMMER AWAY, FUCKERS! I'M GONNA WAKE YOU ALL BY HAMMERING MY DAMNED WALL LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AT 2AM IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE BRAINS! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

OK. That was dumb. Sorry...
Goodnight yall.

2009-09-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

Viktor Krum.

2009-09-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

To all parents out there, this is dedicated to you.

If you think being a parent is tough, then you shouldn't hve give birth to a child in the first place.

If you think being a parent is the hardest job in the world, then you should not neglect the strains of a kid too.

After all, we're all human beings.
We hve a limit to our tolerance,
our own sense of logic besides the common one,
our way of thoughts,
and our feelings.

For example,
if you don't want your kid to do smth, you don't do it yourself.
Practise what you preach.

If you don't want your kid to slam the door right in your fucking face, then you make sure you don't do that to your kid too.
Don't give me that "I'm your parent, therefore I hve the right to do so" shit.

If you don't want your kid to reply with a tone all pissed off, then you make sure you talk to your kid politely. Haven't our dear grandparents taught you what manners are? Please, be a civilized citizen. Life will hve more meaning to it then.

If you don't want your kid to argue with you, then don't fucking accuse us as you will without concrete proof.
And what's even more hilarious, is when we try to defend ourselves, another accusation lands on our God damned heads: We're showing disrespect by talking back! Wow, so much for 'civilization', 'reason' and 'innocence'.

Don't give me that "Parents are always right" argument. It's bullshit.

If you want respect,
you earn it.

We're not born to respect you just because you're our parent,
but because God made it this way,
we don't hve a choice.

2009-09-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

I love blazers.
AHHHHHHHHH
Gonna go crazy over them.
I seriously don't mind wearing it 24/7 :D

Nvm, will get another one soon.
Be it a lost bet or my own money.
Who cares about Os man HAHAHA

Alright Os is more important.
Anyw had my future paved out with my mom ytd, sorta decided where I wna go,
and surprisingly she didn't object!
Yay.

Shall prove to my brother that he isn't the only smart ass around,
so what if it's the Science stream?
I'll ace in my own profession.

Maybe they should try looking at their own plight before assessing mine,
as they usually say,
half the bucket makes the most noise.

2009-09-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Jaebeom left 2PM!?!?!?!?!?

Oh God.

2009-09-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

2PM - I Hate You

Love their dancing, especially the hopping (is that what they call it?) part during the chorus.
Ratna was right,
they ARE hot. Hahaha

Less than 2 months to 'O' Levels, and all I find is me staring blankly into the computer screen, or simply lying aimlessly on the bed, half expecting knowledge to be bestowed onto me without me hving to move a single muscle.

People are chionging like it's Judgement Day and I'm still thinking of Uniqlo and what to eat for my next meal!

GOSH.
How much more naive can I possibly get.

!

2009-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

Spent 29/08/09 with my family at Hard Rock Cafe as a birthday celebration. Coincidentally it was 98.7FM's RSVP, had lotsa fun. Saw Shan & Ross, Desiree, Glenn Ong & Mr. Yang, Vendetta and MUTTONS! And oh my, Ross is really really pretty. Shan's like some giant, so tall!

The whole night was for Michael Jackson's birthday. So there were these 2 girls who dressed up as Janet and Michael Jackson and danced to 'Scream'. Very sporting, I'd love to try it too HAHAHA :D

Dan & Yang

My y. bro

Mommy

WITH THE MUTTONS! :D

Okay, the next day, 30/08/09, went out with JW, YY, JJ, QS, HY and MW. Had a really great time together. Haven't been so happy for a long, long time...

Thank you, all of you. :)

Look at his 'tiny' portion

QS's breakdance attempt No.1

FAILED! HAHA :D

'I believe I can fly' Lol

Heated argument No.1

Heated argument No. 2

MW after a Dare

Best Buddy

Beloved JJ!

BOBO

You're so short man LOL

Funny pose, I like :D

MICROFONE~

真的，很感谢你们。

Some really sweet SMSes I received:

From a friend in NYJC:

It's 12am, what does that mean?
That simply means it's 31st August!
And what may 31st August mean?
It's the last day of August and the day before Teachers' Day!
But ain't you forgetting something?
Cause not, happy birthday weiting! XD

From NG YI HAN:

YH: Happy birthday.
Me: OH MY GOD YI HAN! I'm so surprised! Thank you so much! I love you Yi Han! THANK YOOOOOOU! :D
YH: Err. Wrong number.

HAHAHA he sent me laughing like mad. :D

Thank you all, for your wishes, for your gifts, for your love.
This is the first time I've received so many SMSes on the stroke of midnight and throughout the day.
Those words are heartfelt, I promise.

I won't forget JW, YY, JJ, QS, HY and MW for being there to celebrate with me,
won't forget MW's sunflowers, the cake and boxes of my favourite chocolates, THANK YOU!
Won't forget YY's ever-sweet words of encouragement,
won't forget how those wishes came from totally unexpected people,
won't forget how Parveen, Najmah and Qwerty sang a birthday song for me in the hall today,
won't forget Ah Meng's bling bling gift! :D
Won't forget my brother's cheekiness and that I hve to MAKE him wish me Happy Birthday,
won't forget so many things cause they mean a whole world to me, and allowed me to realise that there is still love in the world. :)

Thank you all, so much. Really.
Even though he didn't wish me, I hve you all.
And that's enough. :)

2009-08-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

Yuri!

CL

2NE1

Never write number of words written for EL P2 summary = One mark deducted.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Okay forget it, it's over anyway.
As if brooding over it will give me that damned mark.
And the paper itself was screwed up enough, for every question I wrote more than 3 lines. More words, more errors. NB.

AHHHHHHHHHH PISSED OFF...

Quite keen to see how I did for my A Maths, considering Paper 1 a spendid job done... I can't even do a simple sum on Coordinate Geometry.
Failure.

Anyway, went to get my new clothes on Thursday, only to hve bought a top that costed a fucking 50 bucks.
Seriously, those salesgirls at Jurong Point hve some really fucked up atttitude problem...
Oh well, still trying to convince myself it's a worthy buy (obviously in self denial)...

ALRIGHT! Time for something cheerful instead.
People going on Sunday will be:
Microfone, Bobo, HY, MW, JJ, QS, and Waiting.
YongLi has yet to reply my sms, Ivan has church service and KARTIKA IS FASTING. WALAO :( really hoped she could come...
I'm not much of a party-hype, so please pardon me if things get too boring...
I just hope for a happy gathering before our exams. :D
And sorry Bo and HY, 'THEY' are not gonna be there... :(
Just hope 'THEY' will happen to appear there too. Lol.

2009-08-26T23:19:00.000-07:00

Sweet sixteen?
Not when your birthday is in the middle of the prelimary examinations.
Well, I'm not in the position to complain when others are so lucky to hve their birthdays falling on some 'O' Level exam day.

Weekend is packed though, my mom volunteered to go shopping with me just to get new clothes for my birthday celebration, lol.
So out-of-the-blue generosity, but thanks mommy :)

Going to HRC on Saturday with my family, and Sunday lunch with friends!
Can't wait.
The holiday on Tuesday will be spent mugging, much to my dismay...
Oh well, continue to strive harder, everyone, it's not far from our destination! :D

2009-08-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Screwed up my EL Oral Exam.
Yay me, no more A1.

*

It's time to set aside all those thoughts of you and settle down.
But can I manage that?
All these months of looking at you, laughing at your jokes that aren't even meant for me, observing your every move, wonder when will that heart of yours finally see me, see that I've always been around, waiting like there's no tomorrow.
That smile of yours lights up my day, even your simple hand gestures send me smiling for the whole day.
We had been so close.
I know people hve misperceptions of you, but I know well that you are just the person you were, when we talked, when we laughed.
It seems so long ago now...

I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift but she sings my mind.

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do
I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night
I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like
And she’ll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can’t you see
You belong with me, you belong with me

Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn’t this easy

And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you’re fine, I know you better then that
Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
Shes cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can’t you see
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know baby
You belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you drivin’ to my house in the middle of the night
I’m the one who makes you laugh, when you know you’re ’bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ’bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me

Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time How could you not know
Baby you belong with me, you belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe you belong with me
You belong with me

I tried to get over you.

2009-08-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

2NE1 won Music Bank again.
SIAN...

Brown Eyed Girls with Abracadabra at No.2 and SNSD with Genie at No.5, and Tiffany wasn't there performing yesterday night.
AWWWWWWWWWW MANNNNNNNNNN.
:(((((((((((((((((
Heard that she went back to the US? Not sure.

But Yuri did more than 2 solos and she partnered Hyoyeon in the dancing part.
And Jessica is really just so beautiful.

Looking at them makes me wna go for plastic surgery like, immediately.
Lol.

Ciao.

2009-08-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

ALERT - COARSE LANGUAGE

Super bad mood, I myself don't know why.

Really pissed off when I start to feel so fucked up out of the blue.
IT FUCKING HAPPENS LIKE ALL THE TIME.
Then all those unpleasant things that I've tried to block outta my mind kept creeping back into my head.
NB.
CAN I JUST FORGET THEM SO I DON'T HVE TO FEEL SO DAMN UPSET?
WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THOSE FUCKED UP TRIGONOMETRY IDENTITIES YET I CAN REMEMBER THESE UNDESIRABLES SO EASILY?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANGRY LA.

Prelims next Friday somemore. Haven't done a single shit.
HOW TO SQUEEZE 4 YEARS OF WORK INTO ONE WEEK.
Nb.
Still got a mountaineous terrain of homework falling like convectional rain on me, with all those thunder and lightning-like stress inflicting their pressure on me like nobody's fucking business.
'O' LEVELS ARE NOT FUN AT ALL.
N-O-T F-U-N.

Okay.
Vented my anger, happy liao.
LOL.
Tuition at 6pm, so hungry my tummy is complaining and protesting alr.
Shall go sign an appeasement contract with my tummy.
Ciao.

2009-08-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

You accompanied her to her music exam,
yet you called her a 'he'.

Did you two hve a great time together?
Did YOU hve a great time with her rather than with me?
I don't really care anymore.
Because showering you with care and concern doesn't pay a fucking bit.
Asking you how are your studies going, you just seem too eager to leave the conversation.
It's okay, I'm used to it, used to your devil-may-care attitude.
But when you're in such good spirits I find it so hard to turn away that I come throwing myself at you again.
You don't care.
Whenever things were getting better, you came in again.
And it's seriously a laughing stock on me when you don't even know what the hell's going on.
You don't give a damn about me, but I give all about you,
because I care, because you matter a whole big deal to me.

But not anymore.

I bet this isn't the first time, that you lied for reasons I don't know.
All these secrets you keep to yourself...

Yet I wasn't upset that you lied to me.
I ought to be, shouldn't I?

But no.

Because I grew up in lies, were taught how to lie, and they're just an integrated part of my life.

I suppose hypocrisy works best for me, to erase whatever that's scarring me, and for you, who never bothered to know what you say and what you do hve always affected me.

2009-08-08T17:51:00.000-07:00

Just found out that Nelson and that group of boys like SNSD. -__________-
So startling, lol.

ANYWAY...
Dear friends, please beware that there's a flu bug spreading around and I've got it already. Other victims include Yaoyi, Shuhui and some ppl from 4E5 I think.

PRELIMS ARE COMING, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!
Even though an illness spells long hours of sleep and void of books! WOOOOOOO that's exactly what I'm doing now HAHAHA :D

It's less than 3 months to Os and apparently I haven't been working hard enough to attain my targeted score... Not gonna complain that there's no motivation cause I myself know best what motivates me.

And I can still find myself thinking about irrelavent things during these anxious times when everyone is mugging for Os already. Wonder how fucking badly I'll screw up the Prelims, especially when it's definitely gonna be plenty of times harder than those we used to encounter...

The thought of going into the Os exam hall without a single decent piece of information in my head seriously freaks me out. Sigh...

Love yall.
Ciao.

2009-08-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Was spamming Ratna with 'Genie' for the whole assembly HAHAHA
And we were singing 'I Don't Care' by 2NE1 while Ratna spammed 'Gee' and everyone around us stared at us HAHAHA. Should hve seen those traumatised facial expressions...

Anyway we were talking about SNSD during the dumb talk in the morning. And Ratna said Tiffany acted like a bitch last time... HOW CAN THAT BE MANNNNNNN but anyway I heard she changed for the better. Still in the midst of finding out more about her. And whether she went for plastic, cause she's too beautiful. Lol
Then we went on to that Sunny who's also a member of SNSD but the ugliest HAHAHA.

I really miss all the times we spent in the hall my dear Ratna! I bet we've irritated tons of people with our dumb and snide remarks HAHAHA. I want to laugh with you like every morning laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D

Meow told me that she likes Yuri too, YAY although Victor and the rest said she's OK (he's with Jessica :D). I think she's really beautiful although she has the strongest sense of maturity on her looks... Oh well. I think I love beautiful women more than handsome men HAHAHAHAHA

Tiffany & Yuri

It's them again!

YURI

TIFFANY

She has much shorter hair now

Taeyeon the leader, another gorgeous one

JESSICA

Honestly I don't hve an issue with plastic surgery. In fact I think it's perfectly fine. I stand by my motion I mentioned during the Chinese 'O' Level Oral examination: If plastic surgery can boost one's confidence, why not?
This is the 21st century already, for goodness sake...

2009-08-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

Had been talking to Vic YY and Ratna about SNSD these few days.
Seriously they're some too-beautiful-to-be-true girls...

YURI!

Yuri & Tiffany

Tiff & Yuri

Jessica, Victor's wife

AND TIFFANY!

I love Yuri and Tiffany, they can dance and sing and with those looks they are... Woah. I dunno how to describe it. Near perfection, my take is.
Jessica is one of the prettiest ones too, Vic's crazy over her...
I know YY likes Yoona, and HY likes Tiffany, too! :D:D

Honestly I think Korean bands can be trusted, unlike some Taiwanese ones (I DID NOT SPECIFY SO DON'T COME BOMBARDING ME) who only hve looks, in some cases they don't even possess the idolic 'wow' factor, and hve absolute 0% of talented blood flowing in them and yet they can be so famous! Omg people hve gone blind these days~

And there's this Korean girl group called 2NE1 whose leader has super tiny and I'm sad to say rather not-so-nice eyes, be it a plastic surgery backfired or she hadn't had the time to go for one.
ANYWAY... She was wearing this sunglasses and she really look so hot but once she took of them off I was like, "Eh, who is this, why didn't I notice her just now in the MV?"
LOL THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE LEADER. So Victor, Ratna and I were hving fun making a joke out of it. Victor pulled him eyes into a line and started to sing their song LOL.

We practically only had Mrs Chia's lesson today, because:

1. We had 4 periods of SW's lesson today but she was absent. So...
2. PE teacher on course so NO PE.
3. Chemistry teacher on 1 week MC.
4. Chinese lesson = free time

THEREFORE! It was a rather mundane school day...

FYI, Prelims are just less than 3 weeks away and Os are about 2months away from now.
Yay me!
Check out how I commit suicide on 11/11/09. LOL. Hope I don't hve to. All this confidence problem is taking its toll on me.
Last paper on the above mentioned date. After that it's time to PARTYYYYYYYYY
Alright maybe not. Gonna go shop till I drop with my mom. She was so nice that day she told me, "After Os I bring you to shop for all your prom stuff ok?" And she gave that really sweeeeet smile. :D Hehehe.

Finally, to my dearest 4E2, it's the last stretch already! Let's work hard together! Lol sounds so familiar eh.
ANYWAY! Think it this way:

Three more months and...

NO MORE THOSE BLOODY INSUFFERABLE HISTORY LESSONS WITH YOU-KNOW-WHO.
NO MORE SLEEPYHEADS IN CLASS BECAUSE YOU'LL BE ON YOUR OWN BED!
NO MORE PLANE GEOMETRY!
NO MORE GEOGRAPHY!
NO MORE MISS ONG! I'm neither sad nor happy about that, neutral. LOL
and NO MORE SEEING THAT DM!

I like the last one. After 4 years of tolerating his absurd behaviour, I think I've had enough. Don't you guys think so too? :D

2009-07-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

I've got tuition in like, 25 minutes.

Anyw, I've sorted out some things during my absence which I found exceptionally useful.

Was talking to Bobo today in class, so many free periods since SW wasn't here.

Sometimes, trying too hard to reverse the way things are right now back to how they were like time before, only wears you out sooner or later.
Hours and days of missing you are, obviously, not the solution to bringing those happy times spent together back to me.
Actually, it's better to hve once lived in it, than to never had at all.
And it hurts to know that you aren't even aware of it, aren't aware of how much those memories meant to me.

I'm gonna try to get over you, not because I want to, but because this current situation I'm in certainly does us both no good.

Human character are as erratic as the present-day weather. How pleasant, not.

2009-07-24T02:23:00.000-07:00

I've been blog-hopping and seriously I'm disgusted by some of the things I see/read.
Okay, maybe you'll say I'm looking for trouble myself but blogs are posted up for the public to read so what's the problem?

I don't wna specify whose blog I happened to land upon, that's totally suicidal. I'm not stupid. Call me cowardly, wimp, WHATEVER...

Honestly, I've never quite seen someone so pretentious. All those pictures and words, oh please. Do you actually know what they mean? And those horrible pictures... Man, thank goodness I haven't eaten, otherwise I bet the clump of acid juices plus semi-digested food will hve appeared right in front of me.

Pardon me for being so blunt, but yes I am mean. Striaghtforward towards you because I dislike you since I stepped into this fucked up school.

DAMN WHY AM I IN SUCH A SCREWED UP MOOD.

Okay nevermind.
For those Tom Felton fans out there, FYI our heartthrob sweetheart is attached.
A-T-T-A-C-H-E-D.
Lol. Not that I'm upset about this issue, just that HIS GIRLFRIEND IS SOME UGLY WOMAN.
Cannot take it. LOL
Daniel Radcliffe's gf CMI as well.
Same for Emma Watson's bf.
Wonder why their taste is so weird.
Maybe I'm not the kind who's into those 'love has no boundaries' bullshit?
Hahaha.

2009-07-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

Guess what, people?
I'M THINKING OF MAKING MY BLOG INTO A HARRY POTTER FAN CLUB!
Hehehehe.

ALL POTTER FANS ARE WELCOMED!
Oh my, I'm so excited. Shall call QiSheng to join me. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D

Ok, back to my Harry Potter posts. Just can't post enough about it. Lol

In case anyone was wondering what are the Horcruxes mentioned in the movie that'll prove to be EXTREMELY crucial to destroying Voldermort, here's the explanation:

Horcruxes are objects that a wizard uses to store a part of his soul in order to achieve immortality. In order to do so, one must commit murder to split his/her soul and store it in this particular object of choice. By doing so, one cannot die, even when his/her physical self is destroyed, because part of his/her soul still lives somewhere, in the Horcrux.

In this case, we hve Voldermort's own Aveda Kedavra backfiring upon him as he casted it on Harry when he was just a baby, yet he did not die. Because he had Horcruxes! Took him a few years to come back, and now in HP6, Dumbledore confirms the case of Voldermort using Horcruxes to achieve immortality from getting the vital piece of memory from Horace Slughorn.

Voldermort, much to many people's horror, had split his soul into SEVEN parts, which is totally mental in wizarding history as it is horrific enough to commit one murder, moreover committing seven.

Here are the seven Horcruxes:

1. Marvolo Gaunt's Ring (The Resurruction Stone) - Voldermort's first Horcrux. Belonged to his maternal grandfather, Voldermort killed his father and paternal grandparents in order to split part of his soul and thus making his first Horcrux. It was worn by Tom Riddle at 16 years old as shown in the movie of HP6, however Voldermort went back to the Gaunts Shack and hid it there, casting protective enchantments around it. It was destroyed by Professor Dumbledore using the Sword of Godric Gryffindor in the interval between HP5 and HP6.
Voldermort himself never knew about the Resurruction Stone hidden inside the Ring for the rest of his life.

2. Tom Riddle's Diary - Voldermort's second Horcrux. Created with the murder of the Moaning Myrtle using the Basilisk. Voldermort left it in the care of Lucius Malfoy, and he in turn sneaked the Diary into Ginny Weasley's cauldron at the beginning of HP2, and the soul fragment inside the Diary used Ginny to reopen the Chamber Of Secrets, allowing the Basilisk to penetrate the school using pipes to terrorize Muggle-born students.
Destroyed by Harry using a Basilisk fang, it was the very first Horcrux to be eliminated. But then, no one except Dumbledore actually knew that it was a Horcrux.

3. The Cup of Helga Hufflepuff - Voldermorts's third Horcrux. Created with the murder of Hepzibah Smith. Entrusted to Bellatrix Lestrange, it was kept inside the vault of the Lestranges' in Gringotts. Having infiltrated the Bank in HP7, Harry, Ron and Hermione managed to retrieve the Cup (with much hassle) and Hermione destroyed it with a Basilisk fang back in Howarts.

4. Salazar Slytherin's Locket - Voldermort's fourth Horcrux. Created with the death of an unknown Muggle. Belonged to Voldermort's mother, but she sold it at Borgin and Burke's for a mere 10 Galleons as she didn't know its true worth. As the necklace was bought by Hepzibah Smith, Voldermort stole it along with the Cup of Helga Hufflepuff and turned it into a Horcrux. It was hidden inside the cave where Voldermort terrorized his fellow orphans when he was a kid, and the cave is heavily guarded by magical enchantments as shown in HP6 the movie.
However, the real Horcrux was replaced with a fake by R.A.B., who very surprisingly is, Regulus Arcturus Black, Sirius Black's brother, and a former Death Eater who, for reasons I don't know, turned his back on Voldermort and aimed to destroy the Horcrux, eventually leading to his own death after he was being dragged down the water by the Inferi. The Locket was left in the possession of Kreacher the house elve. The story goes and eventually, it was destroyed by Ron using the Sword of Godric Gryffindor, after much torment.

5. The Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw - Voldermort's fifth Horcrux. Created with the murder of an Albanian peasant. Belonged to one of the founders of Hogwarts, Rowena Ravenclaw, it was stolen by her daughter, Helena Ravenclaw, out of jealousy. However, she buried it in the hollow of a tree befre the Bloody Baron tracked her down and killed her out of impulse. Helena Ravenclaw later became the Grey Lady of Ravenclaw House. Tom Riddle, while still studying in Hogwarts, managed to charm the Lady into revealing the wherabouts of the Diadem, and shortly after graduating from Hogwarts he went to Albania to retrieve the Diadem, making it his fifth Horcrux. When he returned to Hogwarts several years later to apply for the job as the teacher for Defence Against The Dark Arts, he was rejected by Professor Dumbledore and then, he hid the Diadem in the Room Of Requirement as he thought no one else except him would hve known so many secrets of Hogwarts and that the magical enchantments and protections on the school itself would be sufficient to keep his Horcrux safe, thus he did not cast any spells of his own around the Horcrux to protect it.
The Diadem was destroyed by stupid Vincent Crabbe, Malfoy's sidekick, after he foolishly set the whole Room Of Requirement on fire using Fiendfyre. He died in his own cursed fire.

6. Harry Potter - Voldermort's sixth Horcrux. Well, he never meant to make Harry his Horcrux and he never knew he did. HAHAHA oh well... Anyway, the night when Voldermort tried to kill Harry when he was just an infant, the curse backfired and a fragment of his soul (after so many times of splitting his soul, it was rather unstable) detached from Voldermort himself and rested upon the only living thing left in the room - Harry. However, Harry was never actually a dark object as no spells were casted upon him with the intentions to make him a Horcrux. This explains the lighting bolt-shaped scar on Harry's forehead, his ability to speak and understand Parseltongue and the constant connections through thoughts and visions with Voldermort. However, in HP7, Voldermort once again casted the Killing Curse on Harry, which then he killed the fragment of HIS OWN SOUL inside Harry (apparently he didn't realize that) and thus, they were finally detached from one another, the connections between the two finally broken. Therefore, we can conclude that the person who destroyed the sixth Horcrux was... Voldermort himself.
It was also revealed that after the connections were broken, Harry's scar no longer hurt and he also lost the ability to speak Parseltongue.

7. Nagini the Snake - Voldermort's seventh Horcrux. Created with the murder of the Ministry's official Bertha Jorkins. In HP7, the reason why Harry and Hermione was discovered by Bathilda Bagshot even when they were under the Invisibility Cloak at Godric's Hollow was because that wasn't Bathilda at all, it was Nagini! Bathilda was already murdered then. As Nagini was a snake, she's able to sense body heat and movements that humans cannot, even under the Invisibility Cloak. Later in HP7, as Voldermort found out that Harry was after his Horcruxes, he casted a protective enchantment cage around Nagini to protect her. Nagini also killed Severus Snape. When Harry was finally 'dead' from the Killing Curse, Voldermort released Nagini from her enchanted cage, not knowing that Harry was still alive. The snake was killed by Neville Longbottom, using the Sword of Godric Gryffindor.

Thus, after the destruction of all these Horcruxes, Voldermort was finally deemed Mortal, and the final battle between him and Harry would determine his death.

He also created 7 Horcruxes (excluding himself and also he did not know that Harry was a Horcrux of his) because he believe that the number 7 holds some sort of mystical power.
Therefore, he split his soul into a total of 8 fragments, including the one inside his physical self.

The reason as to why, that night in the Forbidden Forest in HP7, Voldermort wasn't able to kill Harry (again), was because in HP4, Voldermort used Harry's blood to give him a full physical body. Because of this act, Harry's blood flows in Voldermort, keeps him alive. However, as we all know Harry's mother, Lily, sacrificed herself to safe Harry's life, Harry's blood is enchanted with some old historic magic of love. With Harry's blood flowing inside Voldermort, Voldermort had unawarely became a 'guardian' of Harry. In other words, if Voldermort is alive, Harry cannot die. Voldermort had kept the sacrifice of Lily Potter alive, much to his dismay.

I love J.K.Rowling, her linking of facts are fantastic.

2009-07-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

I love the Harry Potter novel series.
But the movie on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was... wtf?

Left for JP immediately after school on Thursday with Herwen, Victor, Qisheng, Shawn, Jiahao, Christina and Angie. Herwen and I bought the tickets on Monday, lol.

I WAITED SOME 2 YEARS FOR THIS MOVIE ALRIGHT.

Ok, so we went to JP, had our lunch, bought snacks and went into the theatre. Herwen and I sat together, all the others were separated as well, lol. When the movie started I thought I was gonna cry. My wait had finally been paid off!

So after 2hours and 30minutes, the movie ended. And I hve to say I was pretty... disappointed.
And I wasn't the only one. QiSheng was complaining too.

So, for those who hve watched the movie (I've watched it twice since the first 2 days of debut alr HAHA), or are planning to watch the movie, here are some of the changes made. Well, SOME is an understatement, taking into consideration the differences between the movie and the novel by J.K.Rowling.

SPOILERS ALERT

1. The opening part of the movie was NOT included in the book. It was mentioned, but not explained in detail. Also, the bridge mentioned by J.K.Rowling is the Brockdale bridge, which doesn't exist in real life. The Millennium Bridge was used in the movie. However, The Millennuim Bridge was only built in 1998 and completed in 2000, whereas Rowling's timeline of the story was earlier than that of the construction of the Millennium Bridge. Which means, the bridge should not hve been there at all then. I wonder why the director didn't just rename the bridge.

But the special effects on the bridge were fantastic, that I must admit.

2. Olivander was not kidnapped in HP6. Besides, the movie showed he was, and did not mention that incident again in the movie. I believe it had left many people who did not read the book puzzled. Bad planning there...

3. The scene at the subway was not included in the book. Something extra added into the movie that was totally useless.
And I dont see how a wizard can be careless enough to be reading the Daily Prophet with moving pictures on it in a Muggle world.

4. When Narcissa Malfoy (Draco's mother) and Bellatrix Lestrange (Sirius's cousin) visited Severus Snape at his house, it was supposed to be late in the night. Ok, that's just something trivial I noticed...

5. The whole conversation between the Muggle Prime Minister and the Minister For Magic, Cornelius Fudge, had been taken away. It had been replaced by the somewhat pointless scene in the subway.

6. In the book, Professor Dumbledore picked Harry up at the Dursley's. Harry is not supposed to be wandering outside the Dursley's, as he can only be protected by his mother's sacrifice from danger in a relative's house, until he reached seventeen years old. Overlooked information there I guess...

7. Aboard the Hogwarts Express, it was Tonks who found Harry in the Slytherin room after being temporarily petrified by Draco's Petrificus Totalus. However, in the movie, it was someone else who saved Harry. What a meaningless change...

8. I don't think Cormac McLaggen was supposed to be so good looking as he was in the movie. Lol

9. Malfoy was supposed to be 'dating' Pansy Parkinson. He laid on his lap on the Hogwarts Express. Oh well...

10. Many parts of the memories that Harry is supposed to see during his private 'lessons' with Professor Dumbledore had been cut away, including the memory at the House of Gaunt. Such an important one, and they took it away. Damn.

11. I can't remember if Aragog really died in the book, but I know it isn't as small as it is depicted in the movie. That one in the movie was so minute as compared to the one shown in the Chamber Of Secrets.

12. Bill Weasley was attacked by Fenrir Greyback and became a half-werewolf. He was also getting married with Fleur Delacour. It was not mentioned in the movie at all.

13. Bellatrix Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback did not attack the Weasley's house. But the effects were fabulous still.

14. Tonks and Remus Lupin did not get married until HP7. Yet, in this movie, it is noticed that Tonks called Lupin "Sweetheart".

15. I don't think Professor Dumbledore was agitated enough when he drank the potion in order to retrieve the locket which they thought to be a Horcrux. In the book, it was mentioned he was blaming himself for his sister, Ariana's death.

16. AND HOW COULD THEY HAVE POSSIBLY DID SO LITTLE OF PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE'S DEATH!? I was so angry when they just showed him falling down the Astronomy Tower after being hit by Snape's Killing Curse and blah blah blah... Hello, the greatest wizard of all time who defeated Gellert Grindewald and whom Voldemort feared all these time had just died. Even Rowling can use her extraordinary grasp of English to describe the sorrow and the impact, I don't see why motion pictures can't do better!

17. AND THEY DIDN'T SHOW A SINGLE BIT OF PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE'S FUNERAL. NOT A SINGLE BIT.

18. The ending sucks. Ron looked like some calefare.

Too many differences to mention. Please, people, READ THE BOOK.

Other than that, the movie was fine. The special effects for this movie was particularly good.
Ron (Rupert Grint) improved alot on his acting skills. Especially the part when he ate the chocolates filled with love potion.
Frank Dillane, who acted as Tom Riddle at 16 years old, was so... handsome. Lol
Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) is getting so much better. My, I'm in love. HAHA.
The guy who acted as Cormac McLaggen was surprisingly good looking, I thought they'd get some fat bloke to take up the role. In the book, Cormac is this super big-sized asshole. Lol
Narcissa Malfoy (Helen McCrory) is such a gorgeous lady. Too bad she's a pure-blood hysterical, like her husband. But she also save Harry's life in the end. *Winks*

Do watch the movie still, people. It's humourous and pretty good. I'm just angry with all those scene selections, they made the story rather condensed. For those who didn't read the book, you will enjoy it. For those who did, well... I dunno.
Maybe I got my hopes too high, but hey, it's HARRY POTTER we're talking about! A must-watch NO MATTER WHAT.

Now, Part I of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be out next end of year. Oh yay, another year and a half of waiting! Damn.
Since they're separating it into 2 parts, I hope they'll not take away too much of the story, because every single part of this last sequel is very, very important. For those who didn't read HP7, FYI there'll be no Hogwarts until the very end. Talking about the end... It's really very sad.

Hope I don't get sued for my spoilers and comments. Afterall, I'm just another Potter fan. :D

2009-07-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

So many people asked, why are my posts so emo.
Haha...

I found out how easy it was to tell someone not to care about something that's giving their emotions a hard time, and how hard it is to really do it. When you hve smth stucked like superglue up in your head, it really proves hard to get it off. The more you want to avoid it, the more you think of it.

So the easier way out is to just... change your perspective.

See, people, especially those you love, might not turn out the way you want them to be. Sometimes some actions we humans do spark off speculation, and ongoing guesses as to decipher them and to what they really meant. For example, a moment ago she was still talking to him in that ever-carefree tone, as if back to the good old days, yet the next moment, he posted up on his blog smth she didn't really wna see, about this girl... Man I can't bring myself to go on.

What's with this momentarily changes in character? I dunno. I don't think any neurosurgeon would be able to comprehend as well, they'll just reply you with a standard "The human brain is too extraordinarily complex to understand and interpret."

However the people who has these temperamental attitudes towards the people around them hve absolutely NO idea how much pain they're inflicting on those who love them, because they simply don't see why you should stand a special place in their heart for them to give that bit more sympathy for your feelings and to even take the 'trouble' to be careful not to hurt them. In short, they simply don't give a damn.

Tried to think that she was just being sensitive, that she was thinking too much and she should trust him fully.
Thinking again, why should she do so? She's not even his girlfriend.

Tried to think that he and the girl were but classmates, mere acquaintances.
But, if so, why did he hve to accompany her to her music exam? Why him, out of all the other people?

Such ironies do set your brain cells raging, and I mean raging both in angst, and at the same time trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Funny, isn't it, how life plays a trick on you. I don't like it. I honestly detest it.

Well, maybe that girl had more of a topic with him. They were, nonetheless, from the same class and the same CCA... They can talk about both music and academic scores, and project work, and math, and so much more.

I'm just a 16 year old. Generation gap huh? What a joke.

2009-07-08T20:17:00.000-07:00

So finally she found out that he has a girlfriend, or that he has someone on his mind already.

That girl texted him late in the night, and has a place in his heart.

So whom is she to him now?

...Nothing.

She's tired, so tired from all those complicating thoughts sprouting out in her mind like an ever-expanding spider web, one thought leading to another, making her feel worse bit by bit.

She wants to forget.
She wants to erase all the memories spent together.
But who can release her from this tormenting ordeal?
She can only rely on herself to struggle out of this fucking mess.

2009-07-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

Thank you Samuel, for helping me improve my English, and your on-call-ness. Super-steady friend.

And to you Rob, lots of gratitude for being such a wonderful listening ear when I needed one. And some awesome advisor you are!

2009-07-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since they talked,
as she laid beside him, talking and laughing like they used to.

It'd been a long, long time.

He was overwhelmed with fatigue,
and she kissed him goodnight,
leaving this precious night for the sake of his essential slumber.

How long would it be for them to talk like that again?, the girl wondered.

And as she longed for that precious moment with the ravenous appetite for his affections,
she could only wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Will it be a love worth it, or simply a flight into oblivion...?

2009-06-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

If you don't give a damn about me and feel that I'm seriously getting on your nerves then fucking hell say it out.

I don't know why am I getting so pissed off and frustrated and upset about you and how you treat me.

I'd rather be fretting over my ambitions and my future than to get upset over someone like you who sees me as trash, smth disposable.

You think I'm throwing myself at you, but do you think I want to?
You think I wna get myself in such a miserable state?

Yes, I can't live without you.
And it's burning my innards trying to ditch this habit.

Damn.

2009-06-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

I WANT A BOYS OVER FLOWERS POSTER.
SOMEONE GET ME ONE PLEEEEEASE
so that I can hang it in my room and look at it whenever I think of those people whom I don't want to.

Lol so desperate but who cares, my birthday's coming anyway. *Winks*

2009-06-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday, Lee Min Ho.

It was on 22nd June.

I sense it.

You are keeping something from me.

Maybe you're not even trying to keep it from me because you don't see the need to.

I'm a nobody to you after all.

I hve no idea what I am in your eyes,

and I don't know where I can pluck the courage to ask you that.

Do I even stand a position in your heart?

I guess not.

I won't be surprised if you've got a girlfriend,

from how you're acting and all.

I asked you, were you doing project, you said no.

Asked again what were you doing, you said "nothing".

I'm not a fool.

I'm tired of trying to be optimistic all the time.

You've changed,

like how he did.

He was so nice to me, like you were.

And over such a short period of time,

I've lost 2 of my loved ones, thanks to their faded affections.

So sick of feeling sore,

of trying to decipher your thoughts,

when you don't even give a damn about mine.

My friends say, "You deserve better."

Maybe in your heart you told yourself, "Why am I stuck with someone like her?"

Yeah.

I guess you deserve someone better, with better looks, better figure, smart like you, and loves music like you do, who can discuss musical pieces with you and which note fits better, etc.

As a matter of fact, I'm clueless about your world.

Yeah, you do deserve better.

And that look in your eyes said it all.

Your look, ever so hollow.

As if you can't wait for me to get somewhere out of your sight and not meddle with your affairs.

Damn, will this resentment ever stop flowing?

2009-06-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

Shall end my absence with Hyun Joong.

Last day of lessons, like finally.

Honestly there's no time to sit in front of the computer and do anything now, with that mountain-like pile of homework which I'm not doing and all the TV programmes.
I found myself glued to the TV nowadays. *Halo appears*

It's just a mere 4 more months to Os! How nice is that!? ...

Not one fucking bit.

The fact that I should hve spent this June holiday brushing up my weakest subjects and I hve instead spent it on the bed snoozing away and watching TV is something that certainly made me... panick.

Not that I don't wna do well but... Alright I shan't make up excuses for my own procrastination.

So many days of lessons that sometimes I found myself staring into space, thinking of you when instead I should hve been filling my mind with integrating velocity and all that related.

Maybe you've realized this before I did but we do belong to 2 very different worlds. You hve your own interest which I'm totally clueless about, and maybe that explained why we can't hit. I feel like a juvenile, trying to capture your attention all the time through childish means and ways and seriously... I feel stupid.

Well, perhaps your idea of an ideal partner is one who shares the same interest, who's as mature as you are, who's as tall as you are, who thinks as rationally as you are, who doesn't bothers you all the time and knows at one glance what you're thinking, who knows you inside out, who clicks with you... So many things I can think of that I can't fufil.

Your thoughts are extremely hard to grasp, you know?

Maybe 2 years or so down the road, everything we are now will just... vapourize.

All those pleasant memories we had will just be thrown to a little corner at the back of your memory lane.

But all in all, my feelings, it doesn't matter to you anyway, does it?

2009-06-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious but I found myself filling my mind up with Kim Hyun Joong and Lee Min Ho whenever he strikes my mind and honestly it's not a good feeling...
Been too busy to think about other stuff actually.
I suppose he's perfectly fine with where and what he is right now, and no matter what I do or what I say, it doesn't bother him one bit.
I know I'm throwing myself at him, and every single time I told myself not to, only to end up doing it and then tell myself, "It's OK. He'll really see me and appreciate my presence one day."
But seems like that's more suitable to be thought of than to actually happen.

Well, with all that aside, it's time to settle down.
I won't say I'm washing my hands off you, cause I very well know it's impossible not to look in your direction all the time when you don't even realize.
You know how I feel.
You do, you're just ignoring it.

Jun Pyo & Jan Di

I just hope Chia PW decided to be a kind soul and let us off for the last week of holiday.
If not, we still hve to go back for lessons.
Damn.

Mr. Soo had been rushing Chemistry practical for the past few lessons and at the end of every experiment we would end up mixing a bit of every type of acid.

And Mr. Soo kept saying we're seriously a bunch of lab-deprived kids. As a matter of fact, considering that we did not even hve the chance to set foot on the lab building last year explains it all.

Going out for a meal with CFC on Friday, can't wait.

2009-06-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

They say a new name gives you a new life.
So I changed my blog's name cause it was so dead.

No holidays till after Os.
Yay me.